Every Beat of My Heart
by Peardrella
Summary: (Sequel to My Heart Aches for You) "Every great love starts with a story." Eight years after their summer love, Jon finally made it to the main roster of the WWE, while Amber lived a different life away from Ohio. They were on completely separate paths, yet life had a way of forcing them back together, even if it didn't seem to be the right time to them.
1. Chapter 1

**Every Beat of My Heart**

 **Chapter 1**

* * *

Work was a nightmare.

Amber was twenty-six years old, working as a waitress at a high-end restaurant. Seeing as the main customers were rich people who had no concept of time and expected their food to be done the second they ordered it, she was understandably worn out.

It was both mentally and physically taxing. And to make matters worse, the pay didn't really match up to the countless hours she worked.

Ohio may have been a soul-sucking wasteland, but at least she had a better job there. She thought that maybe she made a huge mistake moving to Indiana.

She strolled into her favorite bar, shoulders slouched as she dragged her weary body inside. It came as a surprise when they all yelled while looking at the TV, so she jumped, causing another regular named Tom to laugh from behind her. "You act like this isn't normal for you," he said, snaking his arm around her shoulders.

"Not _this_ loud. What are they even watching anyway?" she asked, straining her voice over the loud roar.

He nodded towards the TV, as she sat down on a barstool. "Survivor Series. It's a triple threat with CM Punk versus Ryback versus John Cena, and a lot of people put money on it. I think Punk's gonna win, 'cause Ryback and John are just so… shitty. I guess I'm biased since I don't like them, but Punk—"

" _Tom_ ," she whined as she turned away from the TV. "You know I don't like or care about wrestling," she reminded him. She never explained to him why, and she didn't think she would, simply because it wasn't his business.

He rolled his eyes and sat next to her. "Lemme buy you a drink." He slammed his hand down on the counter to gain the bartender's attention.

Tom was a very attractive man who was perfectly sculpted with dark hair and brown eyes. He talked _way_ too much for her liking, though. He also liked to touch her more than he should, but he never took it too far. However, she tolerated it because he was the only one who talked to her frequently. Plus, when he wasn't being annoying, he was actually good company.

He slid a Heineken over to her and continued watching wrestling. Alcohol felt like the best thing in the world, but she knew she couldn't get drunk, even though she really wanted to; hangovers were a bitch to deal with, and she had no one to help her through it. Plus, she had to drive.

Being in Indiana was so lonely, but she could never get enough money to go back to Ohio. And even though things seemed brighter there, she didn't think she'd want to go back. There were too many bad things associated with it, and it would take even more time to be able to live there comfortably.

Another loud cheer broke her out of her thoughts, causing her head to snap up at the TV to see what all the fuss was about. Then her heart stopped.

Jon.

Although, this Jon was different. Not necessarily physically, but he still looked different, and she couldn't put her finger on it.

As he ran around the ring, she paid careful attention to him. His all black ensemble, and that turtleneck; he still managed to look painfully attractive. Even if they were no longer together, it didn't mean that it was wrong to think about him that way. Plus, she didn't think they would ever meet again. At least she _hoped_ they didn't

"This is so fucking _awesome_. I saw what these guys did in NXT, and they're all fuckin' amazing," Tom said as he smiled up at the TV. "Your eyes are glued; you like wrestling now?"

She quickly shook her head, then turned around. "Tell me when it's over," she said as she took a sip of her beer.

She sat there for what felt like hours, watching as everyone cheered and jeered. They were so full of emotion, but they were also incredibly drunk, which didn't really make a good combination. Just as long as they weren't touching her, she'd be fine.

Everything died down a bit, and people started buying their last drink and leaving. She figured it was over, so she turned back around, Tom still gawking at the TV, even though nothing was on. "That was fuckin' amazing!" he squealed.

"I guess I missed out, then," she sighed. "When are you going home?" she asked. Tom lived in the same area as her, and she liked having someone following her to make sure nothing happened. God forbid something _did_ happen; if Tom wasn't there, no one would know.

"I don't know. Maybe around two," he shrugged. "You need another drink? You finished that Heineken a while ago."

"No, I need to be sober enough to drive. Thanks, though. You're a good friend, Tom," she said as she swirled her finger on the mouth of the empty beer bottle.

"Are you sure you're not already drunk?" he asked with a chuckle as he played with her hair. "What are you doing in Indiana, Amber? You don't—"

"We went through this Tom," she interrupted. "It's none of your business why I'm here. If I want to leave, and if I _can_ leave, then I will." Tom didn't think she fit in with the Indiana lifestyle, which he insisted was a compliment. Regardless of his intention, she knew it was true. Indiana really wasn't for her, but she already began making a life there.

They sat down there until around quarter to two, just talking. The bar was almost completely empty, until a group of tall, muscular men barreled in, all of them laughing and drawing attention to themselves, which of course was only her, Tom, and another man, who didn't even particularly care.

Then Amber's eyes caught his, only for her to immediately turn her face back, hoping he didn't notice.

But of course, Tom just couldn't keep his mouth shut. "Amber, look!" he said excitedly as he tapped her shoulder. "It's those guys that interrupted the match! Damn, I should've known; they were only a town over. Amber, _Amber_. Listen to me!"

"I don't give a shit, Tom," she stated bluntly, trying her hardest to avoid his eyes. "I'm gonna sit in my car for a while," she sighed. "I just need some time to think or whatever… I'll be back." Without hesitation, she got up from the bar stool and power walked to the door.

She stood outside for a while, taking in the fresh air a bit before making her way towards her car. She didn't go inside; just leaned against it with her back facing the bar. It didn't really scare her to be outside late at night as much as it did when she was younger, since Jon used to make her stroll around with him whenever he got restless, no matter what the time was. Plus, Tom was easily accessible.

Thoughts of what they used to be flooded her mind. They were never perfect, but she really did think they would last. Of course, it was probably just her young, naïve mind playing tricks on her. Or maybe it was the fact that Jon really _was_ good for the most part, just until he messed up.

Maybe she could've handled it differently, but that was five years ago. There was nothing she could do now, and it shouldn't even be a thought, since they didn't even see or speak to each other at all after the break up. But for some reason, she never really stopped thinking about him. Not to the extent that she was currently, but miniscule thoughts that would pass by occasionally.

"You live here now?"

Her heart raced the minute his deep voice pierced through her thoughts. Her voice suddenly left her as she turned around to respond to him. Even if she had her voice, she didn't even know what to say to him other than a simple 'yes.'

"What? Surprised to see me?"

She nodded slowly, then turned back around, folding her arms across her chest. "I see you finally made it," she said, suddenly gaining enough confidence to speak. "Congratulations. I hope you got over your problem, though."

He hummed, then nodded, even though he knew she couldn't see him. "WWE doesn't allow that. Also, I got rid of it long before I got in WWE. If you stuck around, maybe you would've known that."

She could sense bitterness in his voice, but she knew it was only because of the way everything went down. She turned around and tried to look him in the eyes, but looked past him once she realized how much her heart sped up. "What's done is done. I sure as hell didn't see it coming, so I just… reacted. You'd do the same if you were in my shoes."

He sighed then walked over to her. "When's the last time you went back to Cincinnati?"

Their arms were barely touching, but it was enough to send electricity running through her body. He still had the same effect on here after all these years, and she thought she was pathetic for allowing it to happen. "I haven't gone back at all," she replied.

"So you just left your mom, Cindy, and everyone else, just because you wanted to forget about me?" he asked as a smirk spread across his lips.

"Don't flatter yourself, Jon. I left because I associate Cincinnati with negativity. Not just with you… other things too. And I'm not gonna get into detail with that because it's none of your business."

He nodded slowly, then smiled at her. "I'm heading to Dayton. That's like an hour away from Cincinnati, so I can take you there if you got time."

"As much I'd _love_ to go back, I don't have the money. I mean, you'd be taking me there, but you're not taking me back. I'm gonna have to pass on that kind offer," she said as she stared straight ahead.

He took a deep breath and nodded. "I know things didn't exactly work out, but I wanna keep in contact with you. That's if you want to, though." He slid his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it. "If you think it's because I wanna be with you again, you're wrong. I don't want a relationship with you, and I don't think you want a relationship with me. Am I right?"

She nodded. "So what are your intentions?"

"Closure? I don't know, honestly. It's just that we never transitioned smoothly. It was just… one day you were there, then the next day you were gone, and I never saw or heard from you again until today. It was like you disappeared, and I never got to watch you grow from a distance like I planned to, if that makes sense." He shrugged then shoved his phone in her hand. "I think I'm gonna have to go soon, so make it quick."

She quickly tapped her phone number in, then gave him back. "Nice turtleneck, Jon. Sad to see that you changed into regular street clothes," she commented.

He laughed then shook his head as he stepped closer to her, his entire body facing her. Her face got heated when she realized there was barley any distance between them, but her feet refused to move. As he brushed his fingers through her hair, he lightly placed his lips against her cheek. "I'm going by Dean these day, Amber."

"I, uh… okay, I guess," she replied, finally scooting away from him.

He remained where he was, but continued staring at her intently, not even saying a word. It made her slightly uncomfortable, so she kept shifting her weight on each leg constantly, waiting for something – _anything_ – to get rid of the awkwardness.

"Ambrose, we're leaving!"

Jon looked over his shoulder, then back at Amber. "Looks like I gotta go. I'll see you again."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** My immune system is terrible, so I'm sick again. Fortunately, it's not that bad, so I have enough strength to write.

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

* * *

"You've told me the story a million times, Tom." He made a stop at her apartment an hour before he had to work. While Amber was outside talking to Jon, he managed to get autographs from who she now knows as Seth and Roman. He would've loved to get one from 'Dean' but, as Tom said, he dipped out of the bar the second she left.

She failed to mention the fact that 'Dean' was her past lover to him, simply because he would never stop pestering her about it. He was a _huge_ wrestling fan, and he knew almost as much about it as she did.

Being with Jon meant she learned a ton about wrestling, and even got interested at some point. And as per usual, Tom didn't know, and just thought she had an irrational hatred for wrestling.

"I don't expect you to understand, but it's really cool. I even—"

"Stuck it up on your wall, I know," she said. It got to the point where she could actually predict what he was about to say. "You know what's gonna make you a bigger wrestling fan? All you have to do get down on your knees and suck Vince's dick and then throw all your cash at him."

He raised an eyebrow. "How do you know Vince—"

"Oh, please; it's common knowledge," she lied. "Anyway, I know damn well you can talk about other things that you know will interest me, so start before you have to go to work."

He sighed and plopped down on her couch. "Let's start with the fact that you never take advantage of your off days. I mean, you spend all day holed up in your apartment, and you're either cleaning, cooking, or watching TV. And when you're not doing that, you're just going for a jog," he complained.

She had no idea why he had such a problem with how she lived her life, but there was no way he could get her to change the way she lived. Despite the glaring issues with Indiana, she managed to find a way to make herself comfortable. No one, unless they came up with something better, could change her daily routine. "Mind your business," she replied.

"You ever considered, I don't know, dating?"

Not again. It wasn't the first time he brought it up. "I'm not going on a date with you, Tom. If I give you a damn inch, you take a mile. You touch me as if we're already dating, so imagine if we really were; your hands would be on my vagina all the time."

He shook his head, surprising her this time, which was rare for him to do. "I wasn't talking about dating me this time. Believe me, I learned my lesson. I'm talking about dating in general."

She laughed and shook her head. "I haven't dated in four years," she replied. "I don't even remember how to flirt. Also, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't know what to do with a dick if one ever crossed my path again."

Tom looked her up and down, then smirked, earning a smack in the head. "Ow!" he whined as he rubbed the affected area. "All you had to do was tell me to shut the fuck up like you usually do, but— your phone's ringing." He picked it up and looked at the number. "It's not a saved number. You want me to get this?"

She nodded. Another pro for having Tom was that he was willing to intimidate people for her, even though it mostly failed since he was too much of a pretty boy to ever scare anyone. His voice, however, gave off that bad boy edge, so he was perfect for situations like these.

"Who's this?" Amber looked as he raised an eyebrow, then removed the phone from his ear. "It's some guy named Jon. Who's Jon?" he asked.

Her heart raced the minute the name left his mouth. She quickly grabbed the phone out of his hand and ran into her bedroom. "Hi," she said, barely above whisper.

"Your boyfriend sounds like he eats cigarettes," he joked. "You didn't mention a boyfriend at the bar." He sounded offended, but she couldn't really tell since she couldn't see him.

"That's because I don't have a boyfriend. I told him to answer the phone because I didn't have the number saved," she replied. "Aren't you supposed to be in Ohio?"

"I _am_ in Ohio. Can't I just check up on you?" he asked. He was already in the arena, but he was away from everyone else to avoid all the noise. Maybe he was avoiding other things, but mainly the noise.

"You can, I just… I didn't expect it," she replied. "Well, I'm fine. You can go back to whatever you were doing." She was ready to hang up the phone, only stopping when she heard his voice again.

"Not quite yet. What are you doing tomorrow?"

She wasn't working, so it was the usual. "Maybe I'll go grocery shopping, but I'll mostly be home, I think." She thought it must have looked pathetic to him, since he was living his dream, and she was just living a boring, dull life.

"Okay, then. See you later." He quickly hung up the phone when he saw Roman and Seth coming his way.

Obviously, they were up his ass about who she was and why he missed out on a drink just to talk to her. He lied about it, saying she was just an old friend. They didn't buy it in the slightest, but if he changed his story, then they'd know he lied. "What are you doing over here?" Roman asked, hands on his hips as he stared a hole into his soul.

"Just thinkin'," he replied. "I don't know why you guys are standing around when we gotta practice." He quickly walked past them in the direction of the locker room, trying to walk further in front of them to avoid their questions.

* * *

She just couldn't resist watching Raw. She waited until it was almost over, but she hoped that there was even a small mention of Jon.

There were a lot of thoughts about him going through her head since the phone call. It was both positive and negative thoughts, but mostly focused on the tail end of their relationship. For the majority of their relationship, it seemed like he turned a new leaf. He was still _him_ , but he was happier and more considerate. Then after he got more notoriety within the independent scene, he began going back and forth between the Jon she struggled with in the beginning, and the Jon she was always happy with.

Eventually, things happened along the way, and the Jon she was with was more bad than good. Then he met Hellena Heavenly, and things basically went even more south from there. Just the thought of it made her eyes water a little bit, but it was the past.

She hoped that since he was in a different environment, he was also different.

Then the sound of the exciting commentators broke through her thoughts, causing her to look up at screen. "Him and that damn turtleneck…" she mused as small smile formed on her lips.

He looked amazing in the ring, and she couldn't deny it. He really did work hard to get there, but she just wished she was there with him through the whole thing.

Watching him grow, just like he wanted to do with her.

She sighed and turned off the TV, deciding maybe it was time to go to sleep. She needed to forget everything about the past if she wanted things with Jon to remain friendly.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** I'm healthy, and guess whose birthday is next Friday? It's mine. Even though I don't have any classes on Fridays, I can't really celebrate it because I fall into the broke college student stereotype.

Anyway, I thought I wouldn't make this such a long story, but I think I may have to make it long. I hope that's not a problem.

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

* * *

 _"_ _Guess what?"_

 _She looked up from her book and raised an eyebrow. She figured it had something to do about wrestling, since that was the only reason he got this excited. It didn't hurt to ask, though. "What is it?"_

 _He bounced on the balls of his feet and pulled out what looked like backstage pass and a ticket. "We're going to Wrestlemania, babe."_

 _He had the biggest grin on his face, and although she was excited about going to Wrestlemania, she was even more excited about how happy he was. She got up and wrapped her arms around his neck, tip-toeing to place a kiss on his jawline._

 _"_ _You're not gonna ask how I got them? 'Cause that's kinda the best part," he said, running a finger along her arm._

 _"_ _I was afraid that it would ruin the moment, but tell me anyway," she joked, looking up at him._

 _"_ _I'm gonna be one of Undertakers druids during his Wrestlemania entrance," he said excitedly. "Even if this is the farthest I get in WWE, I'm still so fucking happy to be part of this."_

 _"_ _Jon, are you crying?" she asked as she stepped away from him to look at his face better. "Aww, you_ are _crying!"_

 _He turned around and wiped his tears, laughing as he did so. "Wrestlers don't cry, Amber. This is just excess water coming out of my body because I'm just that hydrated."_

 _She shook her head and hugged him from behind. "I'm super proud of you, even if you aren't even wrestling."_

Her phone pierced the dead silence and startled her out of her deep sleep. She glanced her phone, her eyes widening immediately when she saw the name across her screen. Her hand shook as she swiped to answer it, then she brought the phone up to her ear. "Hello?" she croaked.

"Text me your address. I'm hanging up now."

"What the fu— oh, he really did hang up," she sighed and removed the phone from her ear and began texting him her address, not even questioning why he was calling her at three in the morning asking her for her address. Mainly because she was too tired to process it properly.

When she was done, she dropped back down, wasting no time falling back to sleep.

That was until about thirty minutes later when she was once again interrupted by a few knocks on her door. Her immediate thought was that it was the person living directly below her coming to complain about something that wasn't doing. She angrily got up and unlocked the door, throwing it open violently. She was just about to tell her neighbor off, until she realized the person standing in front of her wasn't her neighbor.

"Good morning," he greeted with a huge smile.

" _Three_ in the morning," she shot back, brushing her hair out of her face. "What are you doing here?"

He invited himself into the house, tugging his suitcase along with him. "Can't I visit an old friend?" he asked, taking a seat on the couch.

She shut the door and turned on the lights, wincing before eventually adjusting to the bright lights. "It's fuck o'clock in the morning, and we live in two different states, Jon."

He shrugged as if he belonged there. She raised an eyebrow and decided to deal with it tomorrow. Well, later that day. She went back into her room, shutting the door behind her. "Aren't you gonna give me a pillow at least?" he asked, getting up off the couch and walking towards the door.

He stood there for a while and got no response, so he decided to crack the door open, seeing her out cold. It was, as she said, fuck o'clock, so he expected her to be a little tired.

He began removing his shoes, then his pants, leaving him in only a t-shirt and his boxers. He tapped her lightly, jarring her from her sleep. "What do you want?" she mumbled, her eyes barely open.

"Can I sleep with you?" he asked, trying his hardest to give her puppy dog eyes, even though he knew she couldn't see him.

" _Fine_."

* * *

Unfortunately, Amber switched from narcolepsy to insomnia about an hour into sleeping with Jon. He clung to her body as if she was a teddy bear. She'd be lying if she said she didn't like it, but she knew she shouldn't.

He cheated on her, and on top of that, was doing drugs behind her back.

And yet there she was, cuddling with the man that broke her heart five years ago.

"Good morning," he croaked as he removed his arm from her. She glanced at the clock and realized it was seven o'clock, meaning she lost three precious hours of sleep.

"Hello," she replied, her body still facing away from him. She avoided looking at him because she knew exactly how adorable his morning face was. She was afraid that she'd lose all her words the minute she saw him, so she played it safe and stuck to staring at the blank wall.

"Where's the bathroom? I need to shower."

She cleared her throat. "It's the door on the left," she replied. "If you need body wash, use the watermelon one. The vanilla one is really expensive. Also, the hot water doesn't last for more than ten minutes, so try to cut your shower time down if you really can't deal with cold water. And towels are in the little closet thing." she instructed.

He groaned, then suddenly, his 'Amber Jr.' was blocking her vision of the wall. She thought it was weird that he named his dick after her, but his explanation was that if he named it Jon Jr. it would be like jerking off his son. She didn't bother questioning it out loud, though, since she knew he would stick to it. "I don't want you to deal with cold water. Wanna shower with me?" he asked, staring down at her.

" _Jon_ ," she whined, turning her body around so her face wouldn't be full of his cock.

"I'm joking. I'm a changed man, but I maintained some of my asshole ways," he laughed. Soon after, he left the room and Amber could finally breathe.

Her feelings for Jon were far too confusing. On one hand, she could honestly say had feelings for him at the very least. On the other hand, he did what he did, and it broke her.

She began her adulthood with him. She bought her first car with him. She even moved into her first apartment with him. From the minute he met his mother, she could only see herself being with him for the rest of her life, only to have it slowly and painfully crumble around her.

When they broke up, she felt so lost and scared. Jon was always there to help her up when she fell, and it felt so foreign to be on her own after three years. She woke up every morning expecting to feel the warmth of his arm wrapped around her, only to be disappointed when she felt the cold sheets beside her. Before they broke up, she always had to rush at the last minute for work, since Jon wouldn't stop distracting her while she was getting ready. After they broke up, she got to work almost an hour early.

It was all different.

She also felt _really_ isolated. Jon knew a lot of people, which meant they were her acquaintances by association. After the break up, it went from people nodding in her direction every time she walked down the street, to people trying their hardest to avoid eye contact with her.

And Cindy. Poor Cindy. She was so depressed that she neglected the only friend she had left to the point where they just grew apart.

With her mother, she didn't even know they broke up until she told her she was moving to Indiana. Her mother was _not_ happy with the decision, but she did it anyway. It was what she thought was best for her.

And as much as she didn't want to admit that she moved because of him, what other reason was there? Cincinnati was a shitty place to begin with. And when their relationship started to crumble, her desire to stay in Ohio crumbled right along with it.

There was nothing left for her in Ohio. And while Indiana wasn't treating her any better, at least it wasn't associated with the negative memories.

That was until now, of course.

Jon burst into the room, wearing a pair of basketball shorts and a sweatshirt. At least he had the decency to dress outside of the bedroom. He grabbed her right hand, and stared at her fingers intently. "I'll always be there for you and care for you," he said to himself. "Where is it?"

She knew exactly what he was talking about. She sighed and glanced at the nightstand. "In there," she replied. "I was gonna pawn it, but I have a conscience."

"I would've pawned it. If money's tight, that is," he replied. He reached over and began pulling it open, only for Amber to quickly shut it back. He raised an eyebrow and raised his hands. "If you got dildos in there, it doesn't bother me. I've seen you mastur—"

"Don't remind me." It was such an awkward experience, that the very thought of it made her cringe in embarrassment. "I don't have dildos in there. I just… my prom picture is there," she admitted.

Her school allowed outsiders to attend their prom, although at a higher cost. She was comfortable going alone, but Jon insisted that he went with her. His excuse was that he missed his own prom, but she knew it was just because he was worried she'd get too drunk and make a fool of herself.

But the drive there… that was the fun part, even if it didn't turn out the way they planned.

 _"_ _Jon, pull over," she said as a devilish grin crept up on her lips._

 _"_ _Why? We're almost there, aren't we?" He glanced over at her, seeing her biting her lip. At first he was confused, but when she started rubbing his thigh, he got the message loud and clear. "Well, fuck. You don't have to tell me twice…"_

 _He pulled over into a dark area, then climbed onto the backseat, Amber following behind him. He wasted no time pushing her against the door, then pressing his body against hers, his hands traveling down to flip up her dress. The only problem was, when he lifted it up, it covered her entire face. "Jon," she whined. "I can't see you."_

 _He looked up and noticed the issue, not bothering to hold back his laugh. "Pretend it's a blindfold, babe. It'll make it sexier for you." He pulled her panties aside and tried to get to business, but he soon realized there wasn't enough space. "Fuck, now I remember why I never tried this," he sighed, removing her dress from her face. "I'm too tall."_

 _She looked a little disappointed, but it didn't bother her that much to put a damper on the whole night. "After prom?" she asked, a small smile on her face._

 _"_ _You fucking know it."_

There was always something comforting about having bad and/or useless sex with him. The fact that there was no awkwardness after the failed experience, and that they were joking about it, made both of them happy

"Remember when we tried to fuck in my car and it failed miserably?" he asked as he brushed his thumb over the picture. "It was so funny. Y'know, I would've fucked you on the hood of the car, but I thought you wouldn't want to try again." He shrugged and placed the picture back in the drawer.

"I wouldn't have had a problem with it," she mumbled. "It was funny seeing you try to dance, though. I mean, it was like watching someone step on centipede," she laughed, putting her hand over her mouth to hide it.

" _So_ , funny. At least I tried. You just sat there and watched me make an ass of myself," he said, plopping down on the bed next to her. "The slow dance was my favorite, though. It was kinda romantic."

She sighed. All that talk about the past was making her want jump in his arms and beg for them to be together again.

But it was wrong and she knew it. It was one thing to let him sleep in bed with her after he showed up unexpectedly and three in the morning, but it was another thing to just fall back into his arms. "Yeah…" she said.

He got up off the bed and shrugged. "I'm gonna go for a jog," he said as he stretched his muscles. "I'll probably be back in twenty minutes."

She nodded and looked down. "I'm gonna go grocery shopping, so if you're not back before I'm here, um…" she took a deep breath. He wasn't even back in her life for a week, and she was already giving him more access to her apartment than anyone. "You can take the spare key."

* * *

She turned the key in the door, and almost flew out of her shoes when Jon appeared in front of her. "Jesus fuck," she panted as she clutched her chest. "You scared me."

He grabbed the bags from her and placed them on the counter, then began rummaging through them. "Ramen, potato chips, and Hawaiian Punch?" he raised an eyebrow and looked at her. "You spent almost an hour looking for these?" he tossed them back in the bag and shook his head.

"First of all, I'm broke. I work for a miniscule amount of money; therefore, I can't afford much. Secondly, you act as if we never ate this when I couldn't get a job and you weren't booking matches." Her tone was lighthearted, but she was mostly serious.

While Jon was flourishing and living his dream, she was at the bottom of the barrel, just barely getting by. The most she could do was try to make ramen taste like expensive pasta. "I'm sorry about, you know… everything," he said, breaking through her thoughts. "What are you doing these days?"

"I'm waitress," she replied. "It's this really upscale restaurant called Schnitzelbank. And you'd think rich people would tip better but they really don't," she sighed, then moved over to the bags. "Are you gonna eat the ramen, or are you gonna get your own food?"

He shook his head. "I'll eat your food, Bambi," he said with a smile.

That was his nickname for her after a pretty romantic date. "Ambi Bambi," she chuckled. "You know, I never made up a nickname for you other than asshole. I think it still fits," she laughed, then began filling a put with water.

"I know it does, but I'm less of an asshole. I mean, at least that what everyone around me thinks," he shrugged, then walked around to stand behind her, pressing his body against her back. "You got any wine?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her waist.

Her heart was racing more every second he was there. One minute, she could see them getting along as friends, then the next… he was doing stuff like this. Holding her close to him, so close that she could feel his heart beat. "I… I don't know, I might. You can check in the cupboard." Truth be told, she only told him to check so he would move.

"Turn off the stove," he commanded, his hands folded across his chest. "We can eat later. I'm not even hungry."

She sighed and turned it off. She wasn't hungry either, so there was really no point in cooking. "Alright, I'll just… I don't know. You wanna watch TV? I'm pretty sure Maury is on right now."

He nodded and ran over to the couch like a little child. "Remember how you used to play with my ear every time you got really into a show? That was really cute," he said, smiling up at her.

She sat down, making sure to keep some distance between them just to be safe. "How long are you gonna be here?" she asked after she turned on the TV.

"I'm leaving on Sunday. Oh, by the way, I need to do laundry. I would've skipped out on it this week, but the rest of my clothes are in Vegas."

She raised an eyebrow. "Vegas? You mean, you're not still living in Ohio?" Of course, she always knew that he wouldn't stay in Ohio. Vegas did seem like somewhere he'd move to, but it still caught her off guard.

"Yeah, I've been there for half a year." He took a deep breath, then lied down on the couch, his head resting on her lap. "I wanna take you on the road with me one of these days. You think it could happen?"

His hand reached up to play with her hair. He really didn't plan on making it easy for her. "We'll see, Jon," she said, trying not to look at him. "Aren't you gonna watch TV?"

He shook his head. "The view from here is much better." He winked, then began running his thumb across her jawline. "Five years and you still look fucking gorgeous." His voice got deeper when he uttered those words, and it sent shivers down her spine.

Five whole years of no contact and he still made her knees buckle. "Jon, what are you doing?" she asked, barely above whisper. "You said you didn't want a relationship again."

He rolled off the couch, and kneeled down in front of her, had hands rested on her thighs. "I don't, but I keep thinking back to all the good moments we had, and I wonder what it would be like if we were together," he sighed and looked down. "I honestly only thought about you in passing for a long time before this. Now that you're here, I realized how much I miss you. Just, like… the feeling I got when you come home from work while my whole day was just waiting for you to get back. When we went out to parties and you got really drunk and tried to fuck me in front of everyone."

She sighed and shook her head. There was no way she was gonna crack that fast, if she cracked at all. "Don't you think there was a reason we broke up?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "I do, but… there's gotta be a reason we just happened to bump into each other again, right? Maybe not to be together, but there's gotta be a reason."

She nodded. "D-Do you still love me, Jon?"

He stared at the ground, feeling his stomach churning after she asked. It was a little embarrassing to admit it, but it was the truth. "I don't know," he sighed. "What if we just… do a little bit."

"Jon, we're not teenagers anymore. Plus, you and I both know that if we start, we won't stop." She sighed, then leaned back into the chair. "You'll have to sleep on the couch until you leave."

" _C'mon_. Your body keeps me warm, and if we're sleeping, we won't have time to fuck," he whined. " _Please_?" he tried his best to give her puppy dog eyes. She got immune to it when they were dating, but he figured it would work after five years of not seeing each other.

"Fine, but we sleep back to back," she agreed.

"Awesome." He smiled at her, then spread her legs, giving him enough room to press his body against hers. He wrapped his arms around her. "Consider this my apology for what I did five years ago." He began trailing kisses along her jawline, and Amber knew at that moment that Jon officially had her once again.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** I'm so sorry for the late upload! My friends took me on a mini trip, so I wasn't able to update when I promised. However, I did enjoy my birthday, but I'm pretty sure I gained a few pounds with all the food I ate.

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

* * *

"N-no… Stop," she stuttered, finding it hard to scoot away from his neck kisses. "We can't do this," she said, causing him detach his mouth from her and raised an eyebrow. "It felt good, but we can't," she sighed.

He nodded and sat next to her, making sure to keep his hands to himself. "I get it," he admitted. "I'm surprised you didn't flip out when I said I didn't know if I loved you," he said, bringing his thumb to his mouth to bite his fingernail. "Is it because you feel the same?"

She nodded. "You know me so well," she replied, staring at the TV blankly. "Jon, if you don't have good intentions, please leave me alone. My life may not be on track, but it doesn't have any unnecessary drama. I want it to stay that way," she stressed, turning her body around to face him. "What _are_ your intentions, Jon? And be honest."

"Um…" he looked up at the ceiling. "I wanted to have some sort of relationship with you. And I mean any kind of relationship, so it's up to you. I just want you in my life again, because I miss you."

She could honestly say that she missed him too, but she couldn't help but feel that things would turn ugly between them eventually. "I can only manage being friends with you, Jon. I don't think I could take it again," she admitted.

He sighed, placing his hand on her thigh. "As long as you're in my life, I'm good," he reassured her. "Funny thing is, I never realized it until I saw you. It's weird, huh?"

She nodded. For some reason, she decided to scoot closer to him and rest her head on his shoulder. She used to do it when she was with him, but she figured there was nothing wrong with it. Although it was physical contact, it wasn't going too far.

Of course, what she thought wasn't going "too far" with Jon back when she was seventeen lead to them having an intimate relationship behind her mother's back. But this time, things were different. They were mature, and they had more self-control.

In her heart, she knew that was a huge lie, especially since they had a make out session not too long ago. However, she vowed from that moment to pay special attention to what she was doing, while still being able to have physical contact.

"I actually thought you were dead," he mentioned casually. "You just… You disappeared. I never saw you again after we broke up, and no one really talked about you after the first week," he admitted.

"You could've just called me to figure it out, you know," she laughed.

"Yeah, but we broke up. I didn't wanna call you when you were still understandably mad at me," he explained.

"I can't be mad if I'm dead, Jon," she replied. "I mean, I'm obviously not dead, but—"

Her head shot up when she heard three knocks on the door, followed, by Tom's voice. "That sounds like the guy from the phone," Jon said, looking at the door. "You want me to get it, because—"

"He's a huge wrestling fan, and he's been following you since the indies. I also never told him about us, so you have to hide." She quickly stood up and began dragging Jon towards her bedroom, but he decided that he'd be stubborn and kept his feet planted firmly on the ground. "Please, Jon, I'll tell him eventually, but I'm not ready yet. I don't want to be known as that girl who fucked a wrestler," she explained.

"Amber, open up!" Tom yelled, knocking harder.

Jon sighed, folding his arms across her chest. "First of all, I mentioned you in interviews, Sami mentioned you in interviews, and a bunch of other people mentioned you interviews, either by first name or by description. He probably knows that we were together, especially since you bolted out of the bar the second you saw me," he explained. "Second of all, people whose names I don't remember are already telling people that I was their one-night stand, and I _just_ debuted. What's the big deal if you mention that we had a relationship?"

"Is something wrong? Do I have to break down the door?"

Amber looked at the door, then back at Jon. "Fine, but you better hope that this doesn't turn into a shit storm." She went over the door, feeling her heart race more with each step. She didn't even understand why Jon wanted him to know so bad, but that was a question for later.

Now, she had to face Tom's reaction, and hope that it doesn't cause things to be too different between them. She threw the door open, Tom walking in like he normally did, only to stop in his tracks when he saw the tall, muscular, blond man standing in the living room. "Holy shit. A-Amber this is…"

"Hi, nice to meet you," Jon greeted, smiling at him. "You need anything? An autograph? A picture?"

"I, uh… Mr. Ambrose, can you excuse us for one second?" Tom didn't wait for a response before dragging Amber out into the hallway.

She couldn't help but laugh at how nervous he was around him for no reason. It was nice to have a bit of humor after being so panicked about them meeting each other.

"Quick question; what the fuck, Amber?" He placed his hands on his hips, staring at her intently.

"What? Am I not allowed to have 'Mr. Ambrose' over now?" She laughed, shaking her head.

"How the fuck do you even know him? You despise wrestling, and you're telling me that all of a sudden, it's completely normal to have a wrestler in your apartment?" he asked in disbelief.

"Basically," she replied. "Glad we had this conversation. Can I go back inside now?"

She was ready to leave, only for Tom to hold her hand. "How do you know him?"

She knew it was coming, but she wasn't ready. Her smile faltered, and she took a deep breath, staring at the floor. "How much did you love Jon Moxley back in the indies?" she asked.

"He was in my top five. I don't get how this is related, though."

"Ever recall any shoot interviews that he did where he mentioned a girl he was living with? You know, one with black hair, gray eyes, whose name also happens to be Amber?" It took him a lot longer than she expected for him to catch on, and it almost made her laugh again.

"Yeah I remember," he said after a while of thinking. "I used to call him a sap for wanting to settle down so early. I mean, he was a huge draw in the indies, and he wanted to settle down with one chick when there was pussy being thrown at him left and right. Thank God he got out of that though; she seemed like a clingy bitch. I heard she used to go to almost every show he was involved in. Oh, and that Hellena Heavenly chick—"

"Jesus, Tom, shut the fuck up," she swore. "First of all, I was only showing support. Plus, he always invited me to his matches, up until he started living out the typical wrestling experience."

He raised an eyebrow. "What the hell are you talking about Amber?"

She couldn't even tell if Tom was just that stupid, or if he just couldn't fathom the idea of her dating Jon. She took a deep breath and squeezed the bridge of her nose before placing her hands on his shoulder. " _I'm_ the Amber he used to talk about. I used to date Jon Moxley."

She saw his eyes bug out, followed by a gasp. "You're joking, right? Amber Hendricks, the most boring person I have ever met in my life, would never date a wrestler. There's just no way. Maybe… Maybe he wants directions or something. Where's his next show gonna be? I'll give him the directions, and shit will all make sense again."

"You wanna go ask him, Tom?" she asked, folding her arms against her chest. "He's the one that convinced me to tell you." She opened the door and walked in, Tom following slowly behind her.

"I can't believe my best friend fucked a wrestler," he squealed, shutting the door behind him. "Mr. Ambrose, it's an honor to meet you, it really is, but… she's boring."

Jon shrugged, shoving his hands in his pocket. "She was pretty adventurous when she with me. Remember when you sucked my dick under the ring when they finished setting up and—"

"Yeah, I remember," she replied, not giving him the chance to finish. "Look, you guys should just get acquainted I guess, and leave me and my name out of the conversation. I'll just be in my room until you guys need something, I guess."

"Before you do that…" Jon grabbed her hand and pulled her in for a hug, taking a while longer than usual to let go.

It made him feel warm, and like he belonged somewhere again. Other than WWE, he never really felt like he was meant to be somewhere or with someone other than her, even after so many years of not being together. He couldn't tell what she felt, but he would do anything in his power to help her realize that what he felt was truly genuine, and he hoped that they would at least become closer afterwards.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** So here's the problem; I'll be in a different country from December 6th January 3rd, so I don't know if I'll be able to update. If I can, I will, but I'm uncertain at this point.

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

* * *

"I guess I stand corrected. This ramen tastes amazing," Jon commented with his mouth full of noodles. "How'd you do it?"

"It's a secret," she replied before wiping her mouth. "After we broke up, I kinda put my focus on a bunch of different indoor things. Making ramen taste like something different wasn't hard; only my mindset changed," she explained.

"Oh?" He raised an eyebrow and shoved another forkful in his mouth.

"I mean… other things changed obviously, but the most important thing was me changing my perspective on ramen. The thing is, it's not different from that expensive stuff in high end restaurants. It's all pasta, but most people view ramen as something cheap and disgusting. Once you start to think of it as normal pasta, you start adding shit to it like you would do with regular pasta."

He nodded, then put the empty plate in front of him. "Leave it to you to have introspective thoughts about fuckin' noodles," he laughed, then shook his head.

She grabbed their plates and walked off to the kitchen to wash them. He just sat there, staring at the back of her head and thinking. What _if_ things worked out between them? Would it work out now? Was there even a chance?

Then he remembered that his main focus should be on building a strong friendly relationship first, and then thinking about what would happen romantically later. By that point, he would be able to judge whether or not to move forward.

But even if he did decide to focus on romance first, he knew that it wasn't possible yet. She clearly had a hard time trusting him still, even if she kinda opened up a little. And, despite his earlier actions, he figured that if they rushed into to it, one or both of them might have regrets later, and it would just cause everything to fail.

"Tom was nice," he commented. "Sometimes his knowledge about me and my life gets into the creepy territory, though."

She washed off her hands and returned to the living room to sit next to him. "I told you he was a super fan, so I don't know why you're so surprised."

He shrugged, then leaned back into the chair, placing his hands on his stomach. "I think I overate." He let out a groan, then threw his head back. "I'm gonna be in a food coma, but it was worth it. The food really tasted amazing."

"I feel like you're only saying that so you can get between my legs," she replied.

He shook his head, then smiled at her. "If you're ever ready for me to be between your legs, Amber Jr. is always gonna be ready just for you," he said with a wink.

"Shut up, Jon."

* * *

Their second attempt at sleeping together was equally as tempting as the first time.

Her butt pressed against his crotch, and every time she tried to move, he found his way back to her. She decided to leave it alone, since she probably wouldn't have room on the bed if she kept moving away.

All she could think about was trailing kisses all over his body, the feeling of him brushing his smooth skin against hers, and tangling her fingers in his hair while he left hickeys on her neck.

"Oh god," she whispered as he pulled her even closer to him. His Amber Jr. was definitely at full attention. There was no way she was going to deal with that for the rest of the night.

She managed to break free from him and grabbed her pillow, deciding that sleeping on the couch would be enough to get rid of the temptation. Unfortunately for her, the minute her head hit the pillow, she felt an unbearable throbbing between her legs.

She came to two conclusions: not having sex in a long time and rarely pleasuring herself came back to bite her in the ass, and that Jon is, and always will be, the source of her sexual frustration.

Maybe she could distract herself by watching TV, or maybe she could listen to some music.

Or she could just masturbate. Yeah, that seemed like a more appealing idea to her. She eagerly shoved her hands down her pajama shorts, surprised at how wet she was. It really was a long time coming, wasn't it?

She moved her hands vigorously over her clit. She didn't think of Jon trailing kisses along her inner thigh, or his hands pressing into her hips. That would just be wrong; outright terrible…

It was a shame that she was lying to herself, and those very thought were at the forefront of her mind.

A soft moan escaped her lips, and her other hand clutched on to the chair's arm. It really _was_ long overdue.

"Holy fuck…"

"Yeah, that's exactly what I…" She realized that she didn't say that, and quickly removed her hand from in her pants, covering her face with a pillow to hide her blushing. "Why aren't you sleeping?"

It came out as a muffled mess, but Jon didn't feel like asking her to repeat herself. "My throat was dry, so I came for some water."

"Then just get it and go to bed!" she ordered. With all the times she got caught masturbating, _this_ incident was the most embarrassing. By far.

She removed the pillow from her face and tossed it on the ground, noticing that it hit Jon's feet instead. He was standing above her, staring down. She blinked at him, her sensitive area still throbbing, though he didn't know it.

"Fuck it, I can't live like this." He kneeled in front of the couch and placed a hand on her leg, testing to see if she would comply.

And in her state, she was more than willing to comply. She wrapped her legs around his back, bringing him closer, then placed her feet on the ground.

He tugged the waistband of her pants and pulled them off, tossing them aside. Luckily for him, or maybe both of them, she wasn't wearing any underwear. They both stared at each other, then Jon moved his head between her thighs.

"Jon, I'm— oh. _Oh_ ," she moaned after Jon sucked her nub into his mouth. She gradually closed her eyes, an explosion of stars forming behind them. Thoughts were far too overrated for her at that point. All she could feel was his tongue rolling over her clit, and the feeling of his slight stubble against her inner thighs. She moaned like a helpless slut as he reached up and pressed his thumbs into her hips.

He looked up at her and smirked. "You enjoying yourself?"

She could only nod as her mouth hung open. He took her into his mouth once again, igniting a low moan to escape her lips. She placed her hand on his head, needing something to hold on to. His hair seemed like the best available option. She realized eventually that she was just repeating his name in her head.

Jon, Jon, fucking _Jon_. He always managed to suck her back in. Literally, in this case.

"Oh, yeah, don't… don't stop. Please, Jon." He wasn't teasing her excessively like he normally did. Maybe he did change. He was less cruel sexually this time around.

With his free hand, he pushed her legs apart, allowing for more room to give her the full experience. He plunged his fingers inside of her. She gasped, gripping his hair even tighter.

She hadn't experienced this sensation in such a long time, and it was telling with the way she gasped like a horny slut each time he moved his fingers further inside of her, then whined each time he pulled his fingers away.

Her hips bucked upwards despite her efforts to stay still. It was like her first time all over again.

He removed his mouth and slid his fingers out of her, then licked them off. "You should go to sleep; it's four in the morning, and you have to work at eight," he said, getting off the floor and walking towards the bedroom.

Amber raised an eyebrow, wondering if he planned to leave her desperate from an orgasm by him. "Jo—"

"Thanks for the water. My throat feels much better now."

* * *

When she woke up, Jon left a note saying that he went for a jog. By the time she was leaving for work, he still wasn't there, so it basically put a hold on the awkward conversation they were bound to have eventually.

Lunch time just rolled in, so it was packed, meaning that she had to move around quite a bit. It served as a distraction from the whole situation, which was something she desperately needed if she ever wanted to function normally.

"Welcome to Schnitzelbank, may I take your order?" She tried her hardest to make a fake smile look genuine.

"Just gimme a Sprite for now, then I'll call you when I'm ready to eat."

She nodded and went to the back to get his drink. He looked fatigued and stressed, which meant she wouldn't have to upkeep a perky persona around him.

She learned overtime exactly how to treat certain customers. Old, rich people normally expected her to look like she swallowed unicorns and rainbows all the time, or they'd complain and not tip her. Younger people usually didn't care, unless they were overjoyed, which was easy to tell by their tone of voice and posture. A family meant that she had to ramp up her perkiness, since children paid the most attention to that, and it would most likely disappoint them.

She balanced the glass of sprite on a tray and walked back to give it to him, seeing a fake smile on his face as he placed it on the table. "Thank you," he said with a nod.

"Your welcome. And if you need anything else, my name is…" She trailed off when she caught a glimpse of the man that walked into the restaurant, but she caught herself when the man in front of her raised an eyebrow. "My name is Amber."

She began power walking to the back, which wasn't the best idea when she was wearing high heels. The heel on her right foot snapped, causing her to topple over and twist her ankle. "Dammit," she said under her breath.

Not only was she embarrassed, but she knew that she wouldn't have gotten her full pay for the day if she wasn't able to walk. No one came to help her right away, so she tried her hardest to lift herself up without putting too much pressure on her affected ankle so just continue trying to escape the situation.

It was fine at first. She could only limp, but she figured that she could work through it. That was until she fell once again. This time, Jon came over to help her, a look of concern spread across his face. "This is my fault, isn't it?" he asked as he looked at her ankle.

"I don't know, but I need the money, so I can't afford to miss out on work." She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. She was already late on rent, so she had no idea what she would so if she got kicked out of her apartment. "I'm gonna try to tough it out. I'm fine, Jon."

He shook his head and helped her up. "Whatever money you need, I'll give it to you. If you keep walking on it, it's gonna get worse, and then it's gonna be harder to heal. Do you really wanna miss out on more work days?"

"No," she sighed. "Fine, I'll just tell my manager that I'll be out. I promise I'll pay you back."

"No need, but I'll accept it regardless."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

* * *

"How does it feel?" he asked, handing her another bag of ice.

"This might be an exaggeration, but it feels like I put my ankle in the middle of a busy intersection," she replied, flinching as the ice made contact with her swollen ankle. "I'm fine."

He sighed. Maybe it wasn't such an exaggeration. Her ankle was already turning into a purple-ish, swollen mess, and he knew it was his fault for popping in so suddenly. "Don't try to push yourself before you're ready, alright?"

She nodded and smiled at him. "Don't be so hard on yourself. I'm a huge klutz; you of all people should know that." She knew he was blaming himself, so she tried to help him feel better about the whole situation by turning the focus on how painfully clumsy she was. And by the smile on his face, it was working.

"Yeah, you really are. You somehow trip over nothing, and then try to grab the air to pull yourself up," he said with a chuckle. "That wasn't even the funniest part. It was the ugly laugh you did when you fell that sounded like you had something stuck in your throat."

She rolled her eyes then shook her head. "It wasn't like you never did anything embarrassing. Remember the time you were doing karaoke and then you started spanking your own ass?" The memory alone was enough to bring a huge smile to her face, especially since there wasn't a small crowd when the whole incident went down.

"I was far beyond shitfaced, so that doesn't really count," he mumbled. "The point still stands; you're a huge klutz."

She smiled and nodded, adjusting herself on the bed properly. "I know that, Jon. I was the one who said it, remember?"

"I remember; I'm just backing you up like a good boyfriend would do." He caught on to what he said a little too late. He knew it was too late by the way her face immediately went from happiness to worry. "I didn't… I meant hypothetically. Y'know, if I were someone's boyfriend, I'd…" He trailed off when her mood showed no signs of going back to how it was. "You don't believe a goddamn thing I'm saying, do you?"

She shook her head. Her heart was pounding, and suddenly her chest and stomach became a more noticeable pain than her ankle. "At the bar… you told me you didn't want a relationship."

"I don't. Like I said… hypothetical." He rolled off the bed and sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "I'm gonna get you some pizza, then we'll talk about this stuff later. I promise."

* * *

She was in the same place he left her in, the only difference being the melted ice. When he walked in, she was just staring off into the distance, and didn't even notice he was there until he sat on the bed.

"Ready to talk?" he asked, opening the box of pizza and handing a slice to her. "Not just what happened earlier; I mean everything. I know that's not the only thing on your mind."

She took the pizza, then sighed. She wasn't even in the mood to eat, so she handed it back to him. "Why did you do what you did last night… well, this morning." From the jump, she knew the conversation wasn't going to be awkward like she thought; just depressing as hell. And if she had a choice, she would've chosen to have it be awkward.

"I honestly don't know. I just saw you masturbating and it was my first thought. I'm sorry if you didn't like it or want me to do it," he apologized, looking down at his hands.

"I liked it; loved it, actually. It's just… it's you. It makes it confusing, you know? I want to be friends with you, but considering that we've already gone to territories that friends shouldn't even begin to think about, it's kinda hard," she said, then shook her head. "At this point, I don't know what our relationship is. You gave me oral; we're clearly something more the friends, but we're not in a relationship either."

He shrugged. He honestly didn't even think about it, but he also didn't think whatever dynamic their relationship had required a title. "Do you wanna continue this, or do you want us to just… dial it back and be actual friends?"

"That's what we're gonna talk about, I guess," she sighed. On one hand, it was Jon. She knew she had feelings for him, which would get in the way of them really being friends. On the other hand, she wasn't ready to trust him fully like she once did, which she learned eventually was something important in order to even consider having sex with someone.

"I think we should wait some more. You know, just until we're both comfortable," he said, placing his hand on her shoulder. "I'll know you're ready when we don't have to have this conversation."

She nodded and smiled at him. "I agree," she said. The conversation turned out a lot better than she expected. Which meant she fucked up her ankle for no reason.

"C'mon, let's eat this pizza now," he said, right before shoving a slice of pizza in his mouth. "I'm gonna have to work out super fucking hard when I leave here."

He still never learned how to not speak with his mouth full, which was somewhat cute and gross at the same time. She shook her head and grabbed a slice of pizza with a smile plastered across her face.

Although her ankle was in tremendous pain, she couldn't help but cherish the moment, even though it was something miniscule. But is meant so much to her to be sitting in bed with him, eating pizza, and enjoying their time together when she didn't think it could ever happen again.

As she took her last bite of the pizza, she reached over to him and looked him straight in the eyes. "One last kiss," she said, desperate to feel his lips against her again.

"Are the pain meds getting to your head?"

She shook her head and smirked. " _You're_ getting to my head, Jon."

He rolled his eyes and placed a quick peck on her lips. "That's all you're getting," he stated. "Temptation and stuff… Can't risk it."

She understood completely and slumped back into the pillow, grabbing another slice of pizza. At least the moment wasn't ruined.

* * *

Fast asleep before midnight. He guessed she was really exhausted.

He was full of energy, but had no idea what to do with it. He didn't want to leave her in case she woke up and needed his help, but he also didn't want to just sit there with nothing to do.

He paced the side of the bed for a moment with his hands on his hips, trying to think of something entertaining to do. His eyes landed on the nightstand where she put their prom picture, and a smirk grew on his face.

There was just the prom picture, a picture of her and her father, and a journal. He hoped there was dildo in there so he could poke fun at her, but her journal was the next best thing.

He had no idea why she even wrote in it when she used to let him read it or tell him what she wrote. It was usually something mundane like her day at work, or something about him, or if they had an argument, she'd write what it was about and how she felt. He figured he could gain some knowledge about her life after the break up if he read it, so he flipped it open to a specific page, holding his breath as his eyes glossed over the date.

 _December 8_ _th_ _2007_

 _I should've known something was wrong when I didn't even get to spend his birthday with him. Lately, I've been feeling like I'm not important to him anymore, and that there was someone else out there that had his interest._

 _Turns out I was right all along, but that was only half of it. Not only was he cheating on me, but I found out he was on cocaine. And he had the audacity to blame it on me. He said that I'm stressing him out because I keep calling him out on his behavior. He said people have off days and he needed me to help him through it._

 _But I did. I tried so hard to help. I only called him out when he was hurting me too much. It's like all my efforts were overlooked just because he wanted a stronger argument. It was fucking weak, but I gave up anyway. I was tired of fighting with him, I was tired of all the lies and deception, and I was tired of him in general. Well, the person he's become recently. I don't know who he is, but I despise him._

 _I got so tired of clinging on to something that clearly isn't there anymore, so I just told him that I want out of the relationship. It was a good three years for the most part, but… no._

 _His reaction was kinda strange. Seeing as I'm used to being with angry, irrational, asshole Jon, I expected him to yell at me or something. But he just got quiet, and he looked like he wanted to cry. But I was still super fucking heated, so I was yelling at him, calling him a dumbass, saying I never want to see him again. It was harsh, and I regret it, but I really do plan on never seeing him again._

 _The past needs to stay dead and buried, and I'll do anything to make it stay there._

He sighed, feeling his eyes well up with tears when the memories of their break up came rolling it. He felt a lot of bitterness towards her for about year afterwards, and even felt some of it come back when he saw her again. But he realized that she was right; he really was a dumbass who screwed up the relationship in favor of something short term. He really wished he didn't mess things up.

He sighed then turned to another page, something much further away from their relationship.

 _January 23_ _rd_ _2009_

 _The first time I've been on a date since Jon and this is the outcome?_

 _He came thirty minutes late, he was a slob, and he kept staring at my boobs. Then at the end of the date, he tried to have sex with me and called me a 'prude bitch' when I said no. It's safe to say that I'm not trying that again anytime soon._

 _I wonder if he's fine, though. I mean, I know we broke up a long time ago, but I kinda miss him. The one who charmed the hell out of me and made me feel special, not the one who treated me like gum stuck to the bottom of his shoe. I'm sure he's doing a lot better than me. I hope he is; I'd hate to see him in a rough spot._

 _It's pathetic that I still kinda have feelings for him. I just wish they'd disappear and never come back or go to someone who deserved them. Anyway…_

 _Here I come, Indiana. I hope you treat me better than Ohio ever did._

He thought it was nice that she still thought about him and hoped for the best, even though he broke her heart. He also wanted to break the guy's nose, but it was too bad he wasn't around. Maybe it would've never happened in the first place.

He placed the diary back into the drawer, deciding that he read enough for one night, and reading anything else would probably do more harm than good. He turned off the lights and snuggled up to her, placing a kiss on her bare shoulder and closing his eyes to try to go to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** I'm still away, but I found some time to write. This whole "vacation" has been really stressful, and writing kind of eased the stress a little. Also, I missed writing Jon and Amber so much, and it feels really good to be back.

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

* * *

 _Hey, I know when you left we weren't on good terms, but I would really like to work on the relationship. I'm sorry things turned out the way they did, so please make it home whenever you can. Also, I couldn't find my ring on the dresser; do you have it?_

 _By the way, you looked good on Raw; I just wish I was in the crowd cheering you on. I miss you._

He couldn't go back to sleep after he read it. In fact, the sun was already up, shining directly into his eyes. He had to go back home to straighten things out; there was no question about it. He just had to figure out how he was gonna break the news to Amber.

She was out like a light. The opportunity was right there; just grab his things, and leave a note. But he couldn't when he knew that would be like rubbing salt into her wounds.

He sighed, then ran his fingers through her hair lightly. There was one person he knew could help him, but he was afraid of the earful he was gonna get when he explained that he cheated on his fiancée with the same girl he ditched them at the bar for. He was scarred after the time he caught him flirting with a bartender and he twisted his ear.

He rolled out of bed and made his way to the bathroom with his phone. As he scrolled through his contacts, he stopped on Roman's name then brought the phone up to his ear. It didn't take long for him to respond, which was odd since he seemed to always be busy.

"What do you need?"

Jon chewed on his thumb, then took a deep breath. "I cheated on Christina."

Roman let out a disappointed sigh. "With who?"

"Well… it's a long story. But, it was the girl at the bar—"

"How the fuck did you manage to cheat in five minutes? We didn't even leave you out there for long, and—"

"No, I didn't cheat on that night," he sighed. "I used to date her for a really long time back in the day, and then after Raw I went to her house and I'm still at her house, like right now."

"Then get out! Tell her you gotta go home to your soon to be wife, and do some grand gesture for Christina." There was some noise in the background, followed by a loud sigh. "I got my own family to take care of, Dean. You go take care of yours."

He tapped the phone against his chin, wondering exactly what he was going to do.

Roman didn't understand. He knew that he saw Amber as just another ring-rat and Christina was the girl who would be able to ground him. But he couldn't just break it to Amber that he was engaged after stirring up her feelings within the past few days; that would be wrong.

But he was also wrong for cheating on Christina. Although, in his defense, he thought their last argument was bad enough for the whole relationship to be over, which is why he took the ring with him when he left for Raw rather than leave it in the house like he usually did.

"Jon?" he heard, causing him to sigh. There wasn't enough time to plan properly.

He walked out of the bathroom and back to the room, trying his hardest to plaster a fake smile on his face. "You're up early," he said, noting that it was 6:45.

"Why wouldn't I? I have to wake up earlier than this on normal days," she croaked, stretching her arms above her head. "What are you doing up? Shouldn't you be using your off days to relax?"

He shrugged, not really knowing what to say. It was gonna be hard to just leave, especially when he was having so much fun with her. "I'm just… I wasn't tired," he lied, running his hands through his hair. He was tired; exhausted, actually.

"You seem like you are. Your face is expressionless like it is when you're really tired," she explained. "Or I might be wrong and you're just not happy. In which case, you have to tell me what's wrong." She tapped the space that he previously occupied on the bed, hoping he would lie down next to her.

He took up the empty space, sighing as his body settled onto the creaky mattress. "I gotta leave soon," he confessed. "Tomorrow morning, to be exact."

She sighed, then sat up once again, careful to avoid eye contact. "Well, have a safe flight," she mumbled.

"You're not upset?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. Maybe he wasn't as important as he thought he was. Which, of course, wasn't his main concern, but it didn't mean it didn't hurt him a little.

She shook her head. "I've lived without you for five years. I know how to live on my own, Jon." She took a deep breath and smiled at him. "No worries; I promise."

He nodded, then sat up, scooting closer to her. "What do you wanna do on our last day together?" he asked to try to get rid of the obvious awkwardness.

"You can do what you want, but I'm staying home," she answered. "My ankle, you know… can't be out and about."

"I'll tell you what… Since I'm the one leaving you, I'll get sit through a chick flick with you," he chuckled, snaking his arm around he shoulders.

"Yeah, because making you sit through a movie you don't like is gonna make me feel _much_ better," she laughed. "But, seriously, there's no need. Movies sound cool, but you can watch what you want."

He smiled and squeezed her slightly. "Is that movie you liked back then still your favorite movie?" he asked.

She shook her head. "If I told you my new favorite movie, you wouldn't agree to watch it."

"I'll watch anything, I swear," he declared. "It can be the sappiest movie on earth; I don't care. Just as long as you like it, I'll watch it."

"You promise?"

"Scout's honor."

* * *

"Fuck!" Jon flinched at the jump-scare and buried his head onto Amber's lap. She purposely chose it, knowing that he hated horror movies. She figured it would be more entertaining that way. "C'mon, it's just a creepy looking apparition," she laughed, running her fingers through his hair

"Fuck off," he mumbled into her thigh. "I hate you."

"You're lucky I didn't wait until night to do this," she said, smiling down at him even though she knew he couldn't see it. It was a real, genuine smile. Even though Jon was about to piss his pants, spending time with him was truly giving her energy and enthusiasm. It was too bad that he had to leave so soon, but it had to come eventually.

"Is it gone?" he asked, peaking through his fingers. "Can't we watch something else?"

"Nuh-uh," she said before shoving a mouthful of popcorn in her mouth. "Scout's honor," she reminded him, although it came out as a muffled mess.

"I wasn't even a fuckin' boy scout…" he mumbled, placing his head back on her thigh. "I would've been much happier with a chick flick, but _no_. You wanted to scare the shit out of me for whatever reason."

"Entertainment," she replied. "The first time we ever watched a scary movie together happened to be the first time I took you to my dad's grave." She laughed at the thought and continued combing her fingers through his hair. "You thought my dad was haunting you because you made a bad first impression."

"I banged the mother of his only child, and his only child. I'd haunt anyone who did that to me."

It was actually a really sweet moment. Even though she knew Jon was slightly weirded out by the thought of her talking to her dead father, he eventually warmed up to it. They sat there for about an hour, and Jon actually talked more than her.

 _"_ _Talk," she urged, nudging him closer to the grave._

 _"_ _Hi Mr. Hendricks," he said, waving his hand slightly. "I'm sorry about all the pain I caused. I'm sure Amber and her mother already said a lot about me, so I figure you already hate me. But, I can assure that I'm a changed man. I love your daughter more than anything in this entire universe."_

 _"_ _Anything else?" she asked as she laced her fingers in his. "He's heard my version of you, and my mom's version of you. It's time for him to hear your version of yourself," she said, giving his hand a light squeeze._

 _"_ _Alright, well… I'm a wrestler, and—"_

 _"_ _No, not what you do, silly. I meant your personality. Let him know you the way I've come to know you."_

 _He took a deep breath and nodded. "For your sake, I'm not gonna mention the fact that what you said just now makes it sound like you want me to go through the whole thing we went through but with your dad."_

 _"_ _ **Jon**_ _," she whined, smacking him in the chest. "Just talk to him, jeez."_

 _"_ _Fine," he sighed. As he was about to speak, a blue and black butterfly flew in his direction, fluttering onto his shoulder, then flying over to Amber's nose._

 _"_ _Thanks, dad," she said, holding out her finger for the butterfly to land on it. "He likes you."_

 _He shrugged. "I mean, I kinda figured that when it landed on my shoulder out of the blue."_

 _She shook her head and waved as the butterfly ventured off into the distance. "I was talking about my dad," she corrected him. "Sometimes, he sends a butterfly. Whenever it comes, it's always the same color, same size… I realize this makes me sound like a crazy person."_

 _He quickly patted her back and shook her head. "It doesn't. Don't worry, I believe you." He reached down to hold her hand, needing the warmth of her body to make him less nervous. "I'm ready now."_

"Jesus fuck!"

Amber snapped back to reality when Jon literally fell off of the couch after another jump-scare. "I don't think it's very Christian like to use 'Jesus' and 'fuck' in the same sentence," she commented, looking down at him as he clutched his chest.

"Eat shit, Amber," he mumbled, sliding back on the couch. "I'm begging; please watch a different movie, or do something else. I can't take this anymore."

She paused the movie and turned her upper body towards him. "You promised you'd watch anything I chose, and there's nothing else for us to do. Unless, of course, you're thinking of something I haven't thought of yet."

He laughed nervously, looked around the room. "Careful, sugar," he warned. "You used to stay stuff like that and we'd end up having almost sex every time."

"I, uh…" She suddenly felt his nervousness, and didn't know what to say after that. She just turned off the TV and attempted to get off the couch, only for Jon to pull her back down.

"Your ankle," he reminded her after he noticed the look she was giving him. "Stay off of it." She mumbled something under his breath that he didn't catch, but he didn't bother asking her to repeat it. "Where were you going?"

"The bedroom," she replied. "I need to take a nap."

He sighed and scooped her into his lap, then stood up, taking her to the bedroom. He gently placed her on the bed and was getting ready to go back into the living room, but stopped in his tracks when Amber lightly touched his hand. He turned back to look at her. "What is it?" he knew his voice gave off a hint of annoyance, but he really didn't mean to come off that way. "Sorry."

"Never mind," she sighed. She turned his back to her him, curling into a ball. "You can go now."

"I didn't… I didn't mean to sound—"

"I'm going to sleep, Jon."

"Amber, this is the last day we're gonna see each—"

"There's always next week," she mumbled.

He didn't want to tell her that there was a huge chance that he wasn't gonna come back, otherwise that would mean he had to tell the truth about everything. He just figured it was best to just disappear and forget they ever saw each other again. Because truth be told, he knew it was never going to work out. There were always too many complications involved. Always had something standing between them being together, whether it was him being an idiot, her being too skeptical of him, or life in general.

They were example of a story of what almost was. A story of almost happiness. They were nothing but a cautionary tale, and they were both fooling themselves from the moment they crossed over into the "more than friends" territory.

He left the room without another word and decided that he'd be staying in a hotel for the rest of the day.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** I've been home from vacation since Tuesday, but it took a while for me to get everything settled an organized, which is why this is so late. Happy new year everyone!

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

* * *

"I can't believe how fuckin' trashed you are…" Tom rushed to Amber's house after her drunken phone call. He thought something bad happened to her with the way she was sobbing, but as it turns out, she was just sad and drunk.

"He didn't even fucking say anything!" she slurred, letting out a choked sob as she buried her face in her hands. "He can't just give me oral and then leave me without saying one goddamn thing. He isn't even answering my phone calls, Tom!"

She sighed and soothingly rubbed her shoulder, hoping she'd calm down enough for him to talk some sense into her. Which, from what he knew from past experiences, would take a while. "You know damn well that you shouldn't get drunk when you're sad, Am—"

"I'm not drunk!"

He sighed and shook her head. "You're yelling, and you called _me_ for help. Either you're just that desperate, or you're drunk off your ass." Instead of lying again, she cried even harder, then wiped her face in his shirt. "Charming…" he mumbled.

"I don't think he's coming back," she said softly as she sniffled a bit. "I don't wanna love him again, Tom." She buried her head in his chest and let out a long, choked sob.

He knew she was in a really bad state with how vulnerable she was. She always told him she was a cry baby, but there was only one other time he'd ever seen her cry, which was also when she was drunk, but it wasn't to this extent where she was the one who sought him out.

She was always closed off and rarely showed any emotion. Maybe it wasn't anything too traumatic, but he could clearly see that it was something that was hurting her to her core. "You have any idea why he left suddenly?" he asked, pulling her a bit closer to him.

"I didn't ask," he whimpered. "It's probably something to do with WWE, but he was supposed to leave in the morning."

He sighed and nodded. "I don't think you ever stopped loving him."

"What?" She sat upright and stared at him, her eyebrows stitched together.

"You reject every guy that comes your way no matter how charming or seemingly perfect they are. Then he comes back, and you have no problem letting him in your life again. Now here you are, drunk crying over him because he left," he explained. He didn't bother to soften the blow, because he knew that she wasn't to fully get it in her drunken state unless he said it bluntly.

"Then what do I do?" she asked as she wiped her face.

"If you really want to be with him, wait for him to come to you. If you don't, or if you feel like it's not worth it, then let him go. It's not healthy to hold on to someone that doesn't want to be there," he said, pulling her back to him. "I'm here for you, don't worry."

"I'm pathetic, aren't I?" she croaked. "Crying to you about a man I dated five years ago seems pretty pathetic in my book."

Tom rolled his eyes and shook his head, even though she couldn't see it. "Self-deprecation won't do you any good."

* * *

"Where were you?"

He dropped his suitcase on the bedroom floor then plopped down on the bed, rubbing his eyes. The flight itself was exhausting, but thinking about Amber and her messages was even more exhausting.

Yeah, he saw them. He even listened to her voicemails. It tore him apart listening to her wavering, cracked voice. He barely understood what she was saying, but the texts cleared things up. She was confused and hurt that he left, but she still thought it was her fault.

He wished he could tell her how badly he messed up, but then she'd hate him for real this time. Then again, he didn't want her to blame herself and send her further into a spiral of self-hatred. If she did anything stupid, he knew he'd be the one to blame.

He sighed and turned to Christina. "Indiana," he stated. There was no way she'd know that Amber lived in Indiana, so he didn't see the problem in telling her the truth about that at least. He reached into his pocket and placed her ring in front of her. "I got in cleaned."

She smiled at him and slid the ring on her finger, holding her hand out to admire it. He was so proud of himself when he got it for her. It also the most money he'd ever spent on her, since it was specially customized.

A white emerald, marquise cut ring with a white gold band.

He didn't even know why he had it customized when she never even showed much interest in marriage and never talked about rings. He was only familiar with the different styles because Amber used to talk about what she wanted her engagement ring to look like whenever marriage came up.

Of course, he wouldn't dare tell Christina that. She didn't know much about Amber except that she was with Jon for quite some time and that they loved each other. That alone was enough for her to get jealous, especially since she was under the assumption that she was the only person he ever loved during the beginning of the relationship.

"Why didn't you stay with your mom?" she asked, scooting closer to him. "I mean... instead of going to Indiana."

"I didn't wanna be a burden," he lied as he sat up in the bed. "What'd you do while I was gone? I mean, besides clean the house." When he left for Survivor Series, the house was pretty much a train wreck. Now, it was spotless.

"I called a maid, Jon. Did you think I could clean this pigsty by myself?" she laughed and playfully shoved him, but he didn't react much to it. There was simply too much on his mind to enjoy her presence. "I went to Six Flags yesterday; that's pretty much it."

"By yourself?"

She nodded. "And what did you do in Indiana? I bet you had a lot of fun."

"I did." That actually wasn't a lie. He _did_ have fun, but it was too bad that it had to but cut short.

It sounded evil that he was having more fun with his ex-girlfriend than his fiancée, but it was the truth. Their relationship, much like with Amber, didn't start on a good note. But he hoped, like with Amber, it would smooth out eventually. He thought that if he didn't make the same mistakes he did towards the end of their relationship, everything would be fine. He had so much faith that he proposed to her.

But the relationship was still very much unstable. They were constantly arguing. Sometimes over nonsense like him forgetting to buy something from the grocery store or her toenails cutting him while he was asleep, or big things like her sneaking out of the house to be with some guy from work or him not telling her where he was going.

He loved her, he really did, otherwise he wouldn't have proposed to her. It's just that being with her was mentally draining. They were either arguing, just coming down from an argument, or waiting for an argument to happen. In this case, it was only a matter of time before she blew up on him.

"I think we should start planning the wedding," she said as she straddled his waist. He was so lost in thought that he didn't even notice her trying to seduce him. Clearly because she wanted to talk about the wedding without him getting upset.

But he wasn't upset. He was just… neutral. Of course, his answer remained the same, but as long as she didn't push it, then things would be fine. "We're not ready," he mumbled. "We can't get married until things between us smooth out. Marriage won't help, and it might just make things worse."

"But my parents are waiting—"

"Your parents would be disappointed if we got a divorce because we didn't wait things out, wouldn't they?" he asked, causing her to sigh and get off of his lap. "If you wanna get married, then you need to stop running around with Sanders."

She groaned and rolled her eyes. "I barely talk to him anymore, Jon. You really need to get over that; I already told you what happened the night we went out."

It really wasn't fair that he was bringing that up, especially since he travelled to a different state specifically to see Amber, and things got pretty sexual. Then again, he was all in the relationship until she snuck out with him. "You're right; I'm sorry," he apologized. "But I still mean it; we're not ready for marriage yet."

She reached over and held his hand, both of them staring at the ceiling, nothing but the sound of their breathing surrounding them. It was peaceful; so much that he fell asleep. It wasn't until around midnight that he heard some rustling and cracked his eye open, seeing Christina putting on makeup. He sighed and went back to sleep. Letting her go out without an argument was the least he could do for what he did with Amber.

* * *

Amber stirred at around three in the morning, feeling behind her for the warmth of his skin, only pulling it back quickly when all she felt was the cold bedsheets. The only word she could use to describe herself was pathetic. She was already back to how she was right after their breakup, and he wasn't even back for a long time.

She hopped over to the bathroom and examined her face. Tear-streaked with red eyeballs, accompanied with a splitting headache from all the alcohol she consumed.

It seemed like a smart idea at the time, but she was definitely regretting it now. It was a good thing Tom was there to stop her from doing anything else she would regret. He spent most of the day trying to calm and comfort her, and then he left at almost ten because he was tired and needed to change out of his work clothes.

She made his jokes about him, but he really was a good friend. Even when she was a drunk, snotty mess.

She grabbed some painkillers and went back into the bedroom, downing the pills with a bottle of water she kept on the nightstand. She picked up her phone out of habit, but was shocked to see that she got a message from Jon.

Her heart gave one powerful beat, then stopped altogether, as well as her breathing. Her hand shook as she opened the message, her eyebrows raised when she saw that it was a long message. Due to her pounding headache, reading off a phone wasn't doing much to help, but her heart wouldn't be at ease until she read what he had to say.

 _I'm sorry for leaving you alone. I know it was shitty of me to just leave without saying anything, but I needed to leave. I'll be honest with you, since that's what you deserve. We absolutely cannot be together, not because I don't like you or anything like that, but because something is always getting in the way of us being happy. I only want the best for you, and clearly I'm not the one. And I know this sounds like a typical break up message, but I swear I'm being genuine. I really care about you, and I don't want you to cry if I can help it. I know there's someone out there much better than me who will make you a thousand times happier than I ever did, and all your tears will dry up, and all the pain that I caused will fade away. Yes, I gave you oral, but that was a lapse in judgement on my part. My intentions weren't to lead you on and leave, but I'm sorry that I did it anyway. I hope you accept my apology, and I understand if you don't want to respond._

She sighed and turned off her phone. As much as she wanted to cry, there were no tears coming out. She was just so hurt and full of so much regret, and not being able to cry on top of that made the whole thing much more painful.

Her heartbeat was so feint that she couldn't even tell if she was alive anymore. It was back to square one. Back to the emotional wreck she worked so hard to get rid of. In a fit of frustration, she tossed her phone to the other side of the room then threw her head back on the bed, except instead of her head landing on the soft pillow, it banged against the headboard which only aggravated her headache.

Her life was really just a spiral of shame.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

* * *

It was Monday morning and all she could think about was seeing his face on her screen again. As much as she wanted to slap him across the face, she knew she wouldn't be able to resist tuning in just to see if he looked as rough as she did.

And she looked very, very rough. In fact, she felt worse than she looked. She woke up solely because she had to throw up, and it was not pleasant, especially since she couldn't get to the bathroom easily. It was a good thing Tom thought to buy her crutches, because she was sure she wouldn't have made it to the bathroom without them.

It didn't surprise her that she was sick. At that point she expected bad things to come her way, and she was highly annoyed. It wasn't fair; she tried her hardest to change her life and try to forget all the negative things that happened when she was younger, only for Jon to come back and make her already not-so-ideal situation worse.

But she could never hate him. She was definitely angry and hurt, but she couldn't bring herself to ever hate him or stop caring about him, even when he didn't show much consideration towards her sometimes. She sighed and curled up under her blanket, hoping to sleep the day away.

* * *

"How's Christina doing?" Seth asked, standing a few inches away from Jon. They were both waiting on Roman to get to the gym before they began their workout, but Jon was itching to get started so he could pour his frustration into exercising.

"Same as always," he mumbled, biting his fingernail. "I kinda need some advice, though."

Seth raised an eyebrow. "You're asking me for advice? I thought the almighty Roman was the only person good enough to direct your life," he joked, earning him a playful shoved.

Jon shook his head and rolled his eyes, his lips forming into a small smile. "What do you do when you have feelings for two people at the same time?" He knew he couldn't go to Roman with that particular question because he knew who he was talking about, and he liked the idea of him settling down so much that he'd just tell him to brush it off and make up with Christina. And quite frankly he was tired of hearing the same thing from him all the time.

"You go with who you have the most feelings for and be honest with the other person," he replied as if it was the easiest thing to solve in the world.

He shook his head and sighed, knowing it wasn't so easy. "What if… what if the person you have feelings for the most probably thinks you're the shittiest person alive and the one you don't have as much feelings for is your fiancée and you still love her?"

Seth looked like he suddenly realized what he was talking about. He gasped and his mouth hung open slightly, only for it to turn into a smile. "It's that chick you tried to flirt with in Ohio isn't it?"

"What the fuck are you talking about? I didn't flirt with anyone in Ohio, Seth," he said, getting offended that he would even say that.

"I just assumed you did when Roman and I turned our backs. Y'know, just like you did in Indian— _Oh_!" Seth's smile widened and he moved closer to him, lowering his head as he spoke. "It's her, isn't?"

"Why are you so fucking excited to know this?" It was almost amusing to see him be so giddy over getting some information about him, but he was still waiting on the answer to his question. "And yes, it's her."

"Why would she think you're a shitty person, though? Did she find out you're engaged?"

He hoped that she didn't know, otherwise there was no chance in hell that she'd ever forgive him. Then again, there was no possible way that she'd know, because the only people that knew about them were his close friends, his mom, and Christina's family. It was unlikely that she knew, so he was safe. "No, but I gave her oral then left without saying goodbye or anything. I didn't respond to her messages or phone calls until much later and it was a message telling her that we couldn't be together, and she hasn't responded. I tried calling her to see how she was holding up, but she didn't answer."

"You have a fucked up way of showing feelings for someone, you know that?" Seth commented. He didn't actually realize how bad it was until he said it out loud. There was no way in hell she'd ever forgive him.

"You're right," he sighed. "I'll just stay with Chris. I mean, there's nothing wrong with her, so there shouldn't be a problem," he lied. Of course, her flaws were also his flaws, so it wasn't like he'd have a valid argument if he said that.

* * *

Raw was about to start, but he wasn't needed until the end of the night. Other than to practice a little, his night was pretty much free up until then, so he occupied the corner of the locker room until everyone else as ready to practice.

He tried to call her a few more times, but it still went straight to voicemail. He was getting increasingly worried that something happened to her, and if it did, he would blame himself for handling things the way he did.

"I've never seen you glued to your phone like that before," Roman commented, causing Jon to jump a little.

He slid his phone in his pocket and sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "Just dealing with something," he mumbled. "It's nothing big, so don't worry about it."

Roman could tell something was up and he knew it. Nothing could ever pass him. Maybe it was his fatherly instincts, but he hated it. He hated how he'd always know exactly what he wanted to know about him no matter how hard he tried to keep it to himself.

"Christina called me to talk some sense into you," he said, sitting down on the bench next to him. "I know it's your relationship, but she really wants to get married. She never wanted it until you proposed, so she's confused and hurt as to why you don't wanna get married."

Another thing he hated: when Christina told on him whenever she didn't get what she wanted. It was childish, but he was doing much worse. Regardless, his answer still was the same, no matter how intimidating Roman was. "We're constantly arguing. We can't get married if we can't get our shit together, and I told her that already."

He nodded, surprisingly. Roman tended to take Christina's side all the time for whatever reason. Maybe it was the fact that he never saw the negative side of her, but always saw the negative side of him. It was understandable, but incredibly unfair and annoying. "You cut things off with that Indiana chick, right?"

"Her name is Amber, and yes," he said, shaking his head. He was tired of him thinking of her as just another girl, because he knew it was much more than that. He knew Roman was just trying to get him to settle down, but it irritated him.

"The only woman's name you're supposed to remember is Christina's. You know that, Deano," he joked, although there was a hint of seriousness within it. "Anyway, I hope that was a onetime thing, because it would crush Chris even more if she found out and it was something continuous. At least now there's a chance she'll forgive if, God forbid, she ever found out."

Jon wished he could tell Roman about Christina running off to God knows where whenever she thought he was asleep, but he didn't think it would be fair to tell him just so he'd stop throwing his unfaithfulness in his face. "I promise; it was just that one time. And it won't ever happen again, 'cause she hates me now."

His tone of voice changed at the last part unintentionally, but he hoped for once that Roman wouldn't call him out on it. He wasn't up for explaining himself or anything like that. He just wanted to go out, get things done, then jump on a flight back to Vegas. "Well… that eliminates the problem."

Roman got up from the bench and left the locker room, surprisingly. He was grateful; now he could continue trying to see if Amber was alright.

* * *

"How are you feeling?"

"Same as earlier."

Tom was trying hard to help her, but nothing seemed to be working. She didn't look or feel better at all, but he felt confident that things would get at least a little bit better by morning. He felt really bad for her, and he could only imagine how she felt. She wasn't crying anymore, but she was even more emotionless than usual. "You sure you don't want me to stay the night? I don't have a problem sleeping on the couch."

"I'll be fine," she mumbled. "I know how to take medication, and that's really all I need."

He sighed and sat down on the bed, brushing her hair away from her face. "You can't do everything on your own, you know," he said, just barely above whisper. "Sometimes you need to accept help. Right now is that time."

"Tom—"

"I'm not saying that because I wanna fuck you, because I honestly lost interest in trying to get you in bed a long ass time ago. I'm saying it because I genuinely care," he continued. "But I can't try to help if you don't give me permission."

She knew he was right, but she really didn't like him seeing her vulnerable. It was something new; she was used to him seeing her with one emotion, and she was comfortable with things being that way. She sighed, then nodded slowly. "You can stay."

He gave her a small smile, then got off the bed. Raw was about to start, and although he knew he wouldn't be paying much attention to it, he figured he'd put it on in case something exciting happened.

Meanwhile, Amber reached over to her nightstand and pulled out their prom picture, a small smile forming on her face as she reminisced. It was short lived, however; the memories were replaced by her thinking of their current situation, and she could already feel the tears welling up.

Her one regret was never planning her life without him. She never thought that they wouldn't be together, especially since he made so much progress in his life. When he started messing up, she assumed it was something temporary, and that everything would go back to normal eventually. It was unfortunate that things didn't change.

It also bothered her that he never got his karma and that she got the bad end of the stick. He lived his dream, and she was living in a dumpy apartment with just enough money to get by. She was happy for him, but she wished that he'd get what he deserved for doing what he did.

She sighed and put the picture back in the drawer then turned her back to it.

* * *

"Seth!"

Jon was sitting on a box in a secluded corner, and he spotted Seth in the distance. He was looking for him for the whole night, but somehow no one had ever seen him.

"What are you doing behind here?" He asked, leaning against the wall.

"The locker room got too full, and I'm hiding from Roman so I can make a private phone call," he explained, punching in Amber's number once again. "I need you to look out for him so I can hang up before he finds out."

Seth raised an eyebrow then shook his head. "Don't you think you're calling this girl a little too much? Is she _that_ important to you?"

He removed his phone from his ear when he heard her voicemail again and sighed. It was clear that she wasn't going to answer him, but he needed to make sure she was fine first before he stopped trying to contact her. "Clearly she means something if I'm trying to call her more than I've ever tried to call Christina when I'm away."

"Does she have any friends you can contact?" Seth asked, although he was sure that he already tried it.

"Shit!" He picked up his phone again and dialed Tom's number. Seth was a genius; he would never say it out loud, but he really was a genius.

It rang a few times, then he answered, and the grin on Jon's face was big enough to hurt his face. "Hello?"

"Tom, have you seen Amber lately? She isn't answering my phone calls or messages," he explained.

"Her phone's broken, but I don't think she'd talk to you anyway; especially since that news came out. But hey, at least now she knows why you left, right?"

The smile slowly left his face, and his heart began pounding in his chest when he thought of what news came out about him. "I hope to God it isn't the news I'm thinking about right now."

"I'm pretty sure it is." There was a brief silence, then a loud crash in the background, followed by a sigh. "She's clearly not doing well, so I gotta go. Goodbye, Dean."

He slowly removed the phone from his ear as his hand shook. He was trying to figure out how the news came out in the first place, considering that he and Christina promised to only tell people important to them until they were married.

He googled his name and her name, and the very first article, which was posted fifteen minutes ago, was about her posting a picture of them together.

The picture was only a month old; it was when they were at her parents' house for a Halloween party. He was dressed up as a pizza delivery boy and she was a slice of pizza. In the picture, his was kissing her and had his hand planted on her waist, so it was pretty hard to deny what was going on. "She knows," he sighed, rubbing his face.

"Knows about what?" Seth asked, letting down his guard down to see what was going on.

"She knows about Christina. Look at this." He shoved the phone in Seth's hand, and he watched as he read through the whole article. "Her friend is a mega fan, so of course he told her about it. Apparently, she isn't doing well."

"It says here she talked with some sports journalist," Seth said, passing the phone back to him. "All they're waiting on is you to confirm it."

"Goddammit."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

* * *

His birthday was in ten days. Eleven days until the anniversary of their breakup. When the time came around, she always felt some sadness and bitterness, but considering their current situation, she felt a lot worse than usual.

At least she felt much better by morning, but she wasn't fine mentally. All that time she spent with him, and he had a fiancée waiting on him to get back to her while she was allowing him to cross territories that should've never been thought of. She felt disgusted with herself, but she was even more disgusted with him.

But no matter how disgusted she was, she couldn't seem to let go of him. Yeah, she may have broken the frame that held their prom picture, but she quickly shoved it into a hidden photo album that held all the other pictures she had of them. She lied there the whole night with the album clutched to her chest, crying softly to herself until she fell asleep.

Tom tried to cheer her up, but what could he possibly do to soothe her pain? She found out that the man who just walked back into her life without warning and showed her a glorious few days, then left without saying anything until later that day which was just him saying he didn't want to be with her, only for her to find out the next day that he was engaged. There was no way she was gonna get over that kind of heart break so easily.

She rubbed her thumb over a picture of them sitting in their apartment. They were smiling at each other as she sat on his lap, and she remembered right after the picture was taken, he took her on a date to the lake, which became her favorite date ever.

When she felt a tear hit her cheeks, she sighed and put the picture back where it belonged and shoved the album under the bed.

* * *

Jon and Christina hadn't talked to each other much since their argument over her telling the world about their relationship. Of course, he came off as the bad guy for wanting to keep their relationship a secret, and maybe he really _was_ the bad guy, but regardless if Amber was in the picture or not, he didn't want his business out there yet.

"Will you fucking talk to me?" she snapped. Jon looked at her and rolled his eyes, then turned his back to her. "All I did was tell a journalist about our relationship. Why is that such a problem?"

"You never fucking talked to me about it first," he mumbled. Their relationship was on the rocks already, but he could usually deal with being in the house with her when they had their issues. This time, however, he needed to get away. He didn't know where he was gonna go, but he needed to go somewhere far away from her.

"You can't be a dick to me all the time just because I talked about our relationship. If we were gonna come out with it anyway, why is this such a problem?" she asked, walking around to the other side of the bed so he could see her. "What's there to hide?"

He shook his head. "You should be worried about what you have to hide. You can't run around with Sanders now, you know that, right?" He could say that because he didn't have anyone to run around with. Amber hated him and would most likely never give him a chance to make it up to her, so she was really the only one cheating at that point, even if he didn't outright say she was cheating.

"Jon, do you love me?" she asked, her voice going soft. "I feel like… lately it's like you don't feel anything for me. It's not just the arguing, it's just… you're distant," she sighed.

He really loved her; there was no question about it. He didn't mean to make her feel like he didn't; maybe he was a little too focused Amber to show his love for her. His heart broke for both of them; he managed to make both of them feel like he didn't love them, even though they were only two women other than his mother that he ever loved.

And yeah, he loved Amber. He already went through the nonsense of denying his love for her before, and he wasn't doing it again, especially since it wasn't going to change anything either way. Plus, it was more than clear that he loved her when he realized that his feelings were stronger for her than they were for Christina, a person that he admitted to loving before Amber ever reappeared.

And also the fact that he was still thinking about her when he was supposed to be comforting his fiancée. He sighed and sat up, taking her hand into his. "I _do_ love you. I'm sorry for making you feel like I don't." He pressed his lips softly into her hand, then gave her a small smile. "You mean a lot to me, but the constant arguing is giving me a fucking headache."

She nodded and laughed a bit, moving to sit down next to him. "Remember when we first met and I chewed you out for bumping into me?"

"And then we fucked the same day," he added, a small smile forming on his face as the memory came back. "I guess arguing is your idea of foreplay."

"I didn't expect it to happen. You were just so charming, and I couldn't control myself," she said with a laugh. "Four years ago," she said, drumming her fingers on her thigh. "I have a question, and please answer honestly." She took a deep breath, and gripped his hand. "What was it about Amber that made you fall in love with her?"

The truth was, he didn't really know what sparked the flame in the first place. However, when he realized he did love her, he noticed a bunch of different things that he loved about her. Like the way she laughed when something was really funny, and how focused she looked when she was cooking. "I don't know what happened; one day she was girlfriend's kid, then the next day she was the love of my life."

She nodded slowly and looked down. "A-Am I better than her?"

He knew if he told the truth, they would be down each other's throats again, and not in the good way. If he could avoid a headache, he would; this time was no exception. "By far, babe."

* * *

"I can't believe I still fuckin' love the asshole," she admitted, her head rested on Tom's lap as she vented to him. "It kills me that he can just do this to me and I would never in a million years think of hurting him this much."

Tom soothingly ran his fingers through her hair. He had taken up the role of being her therapist, which he didn't mind, but it tore him up to see her like that. And Jon might have still been one of his favorite wrestlers, but he couldn't ignore what he did to his friend – his _best_ friend. He sighed and wiped her tears. "I don't know him well enough to understand what's going through his head, but I think he might have some feelings for you. He was trying to call you all day before he decided to call me—"

"He _called_ you?" she asked, sitting up a bit too fast, causing her vision to blur slightly. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"First of all, he called right when you found out about his fiancée," he began. "Second of all, you and I both know you need to take some time away from him. You need to think things over, or you'll make a decision you'll regret later."

He was right. She sighed and lied back down, her forearm covering his eyes. "I miss him," she sighed. "I thought everything would be fine with time… we'd be happy like we were before all that shit went down."

"Hellena Heavenly…" he mumbled.

"Don't ever mention her fucking name around me again," she snapped. "That's a touchy subject," she said, this time in a calmer tone.

"I'm sorry; this is all new to me," he apologized. "You need to do something to take your mind off of it at least for a little while," he suggested, although he figured she'd use her ankle as an excuse.

"Like what?"

"Go out for dinner? The spa? I don't fuckin' know; just do _something_."

She sighed and shook her head. "Money," she mumbled. "It all requires money that I don't have, Thomas," she explained. "But you're right; I _do_ need to take my mind off of the asshole," she sighed.

"A date," he blurted out, although he already knew the answer. To his surprise, she nodded and her lips curled into a small smile. "Alright, where the fuck is Amber?"

"He clearly moved on; why shouldn't _I_ move on?" she asked, but it mostly aimed at herself rather than Tom. "I've been moping around for five fucking years while he's been having the time of his life. He got _engaged_ , for God's sake. I'm not gonna sit around and wait for him anymore when he clearly couldn't wait for me."

Tom smiled at her and nodded in agreement. "My question is, where are you gonna find a date?" he asked. He had a few guesses, but he was pretty sure she'd disagree. Then again, the fact that she agreed to start dating again meant there was some hope that she'd agree to something he said.

"I have no clue," she said, but her smile remained. "I don't know why I'm getting so excited, but I feel like jumping up and down," she said, her smile getting wider.

"You can't; your ankle is finally getting better and it wouldn't be smart to mess it up again," he commented.

"It's an expression, dumbass," she laughed. "You should know me well enough by now; maybe you could find someone for me," she suggested, trying her best to put on a cute face to convince him. Although, it was hard to seem cute when her face was tear-streaked, red, and puffy from crying so much.

He shook his head quickly and raised his hands. "The Amber I knew wouldn't date a wrestler. I clearly don't know you enough to be able to choose a guy for you," he replied. "However, if you're one hundred percent sure, then yeah. I'll take you up on your offer."

She rolled her eyes and sat up. "First of all, Jon wasn't _just_ a wrestler. I met him when he just started out, so it wasn't like he was completely consumed by wrestling culture at that point," she explained. "Second of all, you know me well enough at this point, so you're good."

He opened his mouth to speak again, but the sound of his phone cut him off. He looked at the name, then had a mental debate on whether or not he should answer it in front of her. Eventually, he answered right before it was about to stop ringing and he shot Amber an apologetic look to indicate who was on the other end. "Hello?"

"Is she with you?"

He sighed and nodded, even though he was well aware that he couldn't see him. "Yeah, she is."

"Can you give her the phone or put it on speaker? I really need to talk to her right now." He sounded like he was about to cry, which was weird for him. Amber may have been comfortable enough around him, but he still couldn't stop seeing him as one of his favorite wrestlers. Hearing him in his vulnerable moments was enough to catch him off guard.

He put the phone on speaker and put the phone in her hand. "It's on speaker," he announced.

"Amber?"

She was pretty sure the way her face fell was kind of comedic, but it sure as hell didn't feel like it. Her heart immediately began to race and her hands had trouble remaining still. She took a deep breath and brought the phone closer to her mouth. "I-I'm here."

There was a bit of rustling on his end for a bit, then he began speaking again. "I'm sorry I never told you I was engaged. I know I was wrong, and I know I was even more wrong to blur the lines between friendship and something more than that knowing that I was engaged." He sighed, then sat there silent for a moment. She heard a few sniffles, which let her know that he was crying. "I don't know how to explain, but Christina and I… we had this huge fucking argument, and some personal things were said, and I kinda need you right now."

She looked at Tom to figure out what to say, but all he did was shrug. Her heart told her to let him back in, but her brain said to give it some more time before she even began working to forgive him. She sighed and began chewing on her fingernail. "What exactly do you need, Jon?"

"I just… I need to come over. I'm already on my way to the airport."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:** Okay, so I know this update is incredibly late, but I've been in and out of the hospital. Then after everything was cleared up, I had a ton of work to catch up on, and writing basically took the backseat for a bit. But I'm back! And I'm excited to write about these two kids again. Thanks for being patient!

* * *

 **Chapter 11**

* * *

Amber quickly took the phone off speaker and brought it up to her ear, barring Tom from the rest of the conversation; that way, if she gave into him, she wouldn't feel judged. "When are you gonna be here?" she asked in a hushed tone.

"My flight lands tonight, but I already booked a hotel. I'll be there in the morning so I could have a clear mind when I explain everything. I don't wanna mess up anything anymore than I already did," he explained. "I just… I still love you, alright?"

Her heart began to race and she could feel her lips trembling the minute the words left his mouth. She had no idea what to say or how to respond, so she closed her eyes and took breath, hoping the right words would flow naturally. "You need to tell Christina that, not me. She probably needs to hear it right now," she replied.

She wanted to hear those words from him since the day she saw him again, but it seemed to be a reoccurring thing from him. He only ever admitted his love whenever he felt like he was gonna lose her. She wasn't going to let him lure her in this time; especially not when she just decided to finally move on with her life. And _definitely_ not when he was engaged to another woman.

She heard him sigh and curse under his breath. "I'll see you tomorrow, Amber."

The call ended, and she just stared at the phone, wondering what exactly would happen when they met face to face again. There was no telling when it came to him; it was like he switched personalities at the drop of a hat. She could either get Jon, or she could get whatever version of himself that he put on in front his friends to seem cool.

"What'd he say?" Tom asked, taking his phone back from her. He studied her features carefully, trying to guess what her feelings were before she said it.

"He's gonna be here tomorrow morning. I don't plan on doing anything, don't get me wrong, but… he said he loved me, and I don't know how to feel," she explained to him, looking down at her lap. "He probably doesn't even mean it."

He sighed, and tapped his phone against his chin as he pursed his lips. "Rest on it."

* * *

Amber didn't even bother to sleep in her room. In all honesty, she was kind of excited to see him again, but she was still angry at the same time; for a good reason, of course.

She woke up at around seven in the morning, anticipating his arrival, but she was also kind of exhausted since the couch wasn't exactly the most comfortable in the world so she didn't get much sleep.

At nine o'clock, while she flickered in and out of sleep, she heard the doorknob jiggling, followed by Jon opening the door, wearing a pair of sunglasses that seemed a bit too small, and his wild, dirty blonde hair tamed by a baseball cap.

She had to admit, the very first thought that popped into her head was that he looked gorgeous. After a while of just staring at him, she began thinking rational thoughts; like _how_ he was able to get in when the door was locked.

As if he read her mind, he dangled the spare key that she gave him the last time he was there. "I thought you'd be in your room, so I wanted to surprise you," he said as he shut the door behind him. He shoved the key in his pocket and walked over to her, his hands on his hips as he stood in front of her. "Ready to talk?"

She nodded and pulled her blanket closer to her chest and nodded as she looked everywhere but his direction. She feared that all of her common sense would fly through the window if she looked at him too much. It would only remind her of not only how attractive he was, but of how much she wished she could be with him with no complications in the mix. She cleared her throat as he sat down next to her then quickly glanced at him. "What happened between you and her?"

"Remember when you broke up with me, and you called me a dumb, worthless, inconsiderate asshole who didn't deserve anyone's love?" he asked, spitting back the words in the exact order as she did five years ago. Of course she remembered; she remembered everything about the day and the events leading up to it. It was one of the most heart breaking days of her life. She nodded, then he spoke up again. "She basically told me the same thing, except she cut in deeper and said that she could never understand why you loved me, and that you were probably faking it."

"Mhm… what else?" She thought that maybe he was just using any excuse to come back so she could let him back in again. And as much as she said the same things to herself, she really meant it this time; it was definitely _not_ gonna work.

"She left the house with the guy she's been cheating on me with and left the ring."

Amber sat there silently, nodding with her hands clasped. "I don't see why you needed to come here for that," she stated bluntly. "I mean… I know I was mentioned, but I don't think that warranted a trip from Vegas all the way to Indianapolis just to explain to me what you could've said on the phone."

He shook his head and sighed, scooting closer to her. "I think it wouldn't be right if I didn't tell you the full thing." He laced his fingers in hers, and he didn't really expect to be met with resistance since he was used to her letting him hold her hand even when she was mad at him. However, this time, Amber pulled her hand away from him. He sighed and continued, accepting it as karma. "Yeah… Anyway, when I saw you at the bar, Christina and I had a huge argument the day before and I thought for sure that was the one that would break us up for good. Then she apologized to me that day when I told you I had to leave."

She had a hard time believing that was the case, but she still gave him the benefit of the doubt. She nodded and brushed a stray hair behind her ear, then began playing with the draw string on her sweatpants. "And you didn't think it would've been easier to just tell me this in the first place? Y'know, rather than have me find out through the fucking internet?"

"I know," he sighed, shaking his head. "I just… I thought you wouldn't want to be with me if you found out that I literally just got out of an engagement knowing fully well that I would take her back if she came back," he explained as he rested his elbow on top of the couch. "I'm sorry for all that I put you through, I really am. And now that I'm not engaged anymore, maybe we could try again."

She couldn't help but to let out a bitter laugh and shake her head as she finally looked up at him. "Are you fucking kidding me, Jon? _Of_ _course_ the answer is no. You thought because you're not with her anymore that it magically erases all the pain you put me through?"

"No, I—"

"You've been out of my life for so long and I never moved on. You moved on even before the fucking relationship ended. It's too late for you to come back again; I'm moving on. I already asked Tom to set me up on a date," she said as she as tears began to form. "You can't just expect me to come back whenever you say you love me because love isn't the only thing you need to have a healthy relationship, Jon."

He took off his head and stared down at his lap as his brain fought to find the perfect words to say. His expectations weren't that high to begin with, but he never expected it to turn _this_ left. He pushed his sunglasses on top of his head and looked at her straight in her eyes, seeing all the pain and frustration that lied within them. All of it was his doing and he knew it. "What's this person like?" he asked, although he wasn't sure if it was out of genuine concern or insecurity.

"I haven't met them yet," she mumbled. "Why does it matter to you?"

He shrugged. Of course it didn't really matter, but it seemed like the best way to make conversation. "I see you got crutches," he said, gesturing towards them. "And your ankle looks a lot better." He reached down to touch it, careful not to put too much pressure on it. He was also waiting for her to tell him to go away, but she never did. "Can you walk on it?"

She nodded, looking down at him as he examined it. He looked so focused, but she knew that he really didn't know what he was looking for. But she had to admit, the way his lips were slightly parted and how his hair hung just slightly was kind of attractive.

Jesus. She _really_ had it bad for him.

"I can… I'm just limping," she replied. He got on the floor and kneeled in down in front of her injured foot, staring at it more intently for no reason other than to take up time. She looked at him, trying to figure out what to say so she could stop focusing on his fingers tracing along her skin. His fingertips sent chills down her spine, and she hated that he could still do that to her. She sighed and shook her head, then said the first thing that came to mind. "How did you propose to her?"

He stopped what he was doing and raised an eyebrow? "Why do you want to know?"

"I mean, you're asking questions, so I figured that I'd do it too," she replied.

"I took her out for a fancy dinner, got us a fancy hotel, we had some fancy sex, then I proposed," he explained, hoping that the words would ring a bell to her.

She swallowed hard while the memory replayed itself in her head over and over again. "I… told you that's how I wanted you to propose to me," she croaked, staring straight ahead. "You proposed to her in the way that… I wanted you to propose to me? Why?"

He shrugged. "Subtle reminders, I guess."

She took a few deep breaths to calm herself down before she spoke again. "Well, I'm happy for you, Jon."

"Happy? Amber, she left me. I feel like I wasted my time," he reminded her, moving to sit down next to her. "That's the end of this train wreck of a proposal."

"Now you know how I felt," she mumbled with her arms crossed.

"You felt like you wasted your time?" he asked, just to confirm so he didn't get offended for no reason.

She nodded. "Well… yeah. I mean, I spent three years with you only for you to just cheat on me like all that we went through meant nothing to you. If that was the way it was gonna end, I could've done something more productive with those three years," she explained. "And I assume that's how you feel with Christina, right?"

He nodded, realizing she was right. He really did waste her time. And although he knew it before, her saying that made him realize even more how similar he and Christina were when it came to their bad qualities. "She's just my karma, then," he sighed.

They were both startled by the sound of his phone ringing. He slid it out of his pocket, staring at the name and wondering if he should answer it in front of Amber or not. "Just answer it. I know it's her."

He nodded and brought the phone up to his ear, biting his fingernail as he waited for her to notice he answered. "Jon?"

"I'm here. What do you want?" he asked in the most bitter tone he could manage.

"You're not in the house, so where are you? We really need to talk about fixing this relationship."

"I'm not gonna be back until Tuesday, so you can wait until then," he said as he folded an arm across his chest. "You're gonna need to do a lot more than apologize if you wanna fix this." He really was willing to give her another chance; he did plan to marry her after all. It's just that he thought for sure that she left him for good, and she really hurt him with what she said.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry for running off with Sanders. I promise we didn't do anything," she assured him, but he had a hard time believing that. "Where are you?"

"Indiana," he replied.

"Again? What's so good about Indiana that you keep going there whenever you get the chance?" she asked.

He shrugged, but only remembered after that she couldn't see him. "I got friends here," he lied. "Whatever; I'll see you Tuesday. I love you."

"I love you too, Jon. Bye."

He looked over to Amber, who looked as if she was trying to fight back tears. He sighed and scooted closer to her, pulling her into him. "I'm sorry, Amber. I'm really, really sorry," he apologized as he soothingly rubbed her back. "I already know that I can never apologize enough for what I did, but I hope it helps a little bit."

"I go from angry to confused to sad in the blink of an eye, and you're the only one who's ever done that to me. I fucking hate it," she sobbed, allowing her head to fall on his chest. "I thought you'd be the one to make me happy for the rest of my life. I thought we were fucking past this drama," she croaked out.

"I can't tell you what's gonna happen in the future, and I won't make any promises I can't keep. But, I can tell you that I'm sorry, and that I don't plan on hurting you anymore," he said before placing a kiss on her forehead. "I really do love you, and as much as I still wanna be with you, this clearly isn't gonna work out. Not right now," he explained.

"No shit, Jon," she said in a more stable voice. "If you're not gonna be completely done with Christina, don't bother trying to revive our relationship. You should know why by now," she sighed a pulled away from him. "We can't have any more of this. I don't want to go back to when I couldn't trust you to the point where I stayed up trying to convince myself that you were telling the truth even when everything was pointing towards you lying."

"I know, I know," he nodded as he placed his hands on his lap.

He knew a lot of work had to be put in if he ever wanted to start a relationship with her. But before he even thought about that, he'd have to end his relationship with Christina first, which wasn't as easy as he thought it would be. He loved Christina, and he didn't want to break her heart, but at the same time, he knew there was something there with him and Amber that he couldn't replicate with Christina.

But for the time being, he'd just have to suck it up and accept that there was a chance that he and Amber could be over for good.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

* * *

"His name is Stefano Russo, he's my manager, and he's twenty-eight," Tom said as he handed her his phone with his picture on it. "He loves hiking, swimming, and he tries to cook but it's not gourmet level. Don't bother expecting top chef shit from him."

Amber sat there, waiting for him to say something that would put her off. From the picture, he was gorgeous. He had wavy brown hair, hazel eyes, a chiseled jaw line, and sun kissed skin. And he seemed perfect if she went with Tom's description, but there was one thing she was curious about. "Does he—"

"No kids, never been married or engaged," he said as if he read her mind. "If you're looking for flaws, he doesn't give me enough hours. That's about all I can tell you right now," he answered her unasked question.

"When is he picking me up and where are we going?" she asked as she handed his phone back to him.

"Tomorrow at six. You're supposed to be going to a restaurant, but I don't know which one it is," he said, sitting down next to her. "Also, I made sure to warn him about your ankle, so don't try to play it off. No heels or dancing."

She nodded, feeling herself getting nervous as she thought about going on a date for the first time in literally years. Her already weak flirting abilities were long gone, and she had no clue how she was going to come across to a guy that was seemingly perfect. "What did you tell him about me?"

"Not much, honestly. He's just as desperate as you are, so— Ow!" Amber smacked him right on his shoulder, causing him to rub the affected area. "Is this what honesty gets you these days? Jeez."

"I'm _not_ desperate," she said, folding her arms across her chest.

"I know, I'm just joking," he laughed as she snaked his arm around her shoulder. "But I honestly didn't even tell him much. He doesn't even know how you look. So, when he sees you tomorrow, he's gonna wanna marry you on the spot just like I did."

She raised an eyebrow and looked at him. "Tom, the first thing you told me when you met was that you wanted to eat me out. Is that how you talk to people you wanna marry?"

"I was nervous, and it was the first thing that popped out of my mouth," he explained with a smile on his face as the memory came back to him. "You looked so fucking exhausted and grumpy when you stepped into that bar."

"And that's your idea of attractive?" she asked, resting her head on his shoulder as she watched TV, although her focus was everywhere but what was on. "Why _did_ you stop pursuing me, though? This is the first time in a while that you've been so close to me physically – excluding when you were comforting me, of course."

He shrugged and brought his beer up to his lips, taking a sip before placing it back on the coffee table. "It's probably because of Dean. Not because I'm afraid or anything, but it just seemed like the only person you'd ever be interested in is him, so I gave up. I may be gorgeous, but I'm not Dean Ambrose."

Hearing him say that made her realize how much she put on Jon on a pedestal, despite her denying it. She sighed and shook her head. "You need to give yourself more credit. You managed to make me go from thinking you're an annoying, egotistical pervert to thinking you're a slightly less annoying, somewhat egotistical person with perverted tendencies," she joked, unable to hold in her laugh near the end of her sentence.

"Whatever," he said after rolling his eyes. "Speaking of Dean, how did yesterday go?"

"I just told him that he can't come back until his relationship with Christina is completely over. The rest is unimportant," she shrugged in an attempt to ward off the tears that threatened to form. "You know, just because he's a wrestler, doesn't mean you have to put yourself down."

"You know it's gonna take some time to adjust to the fact that you had wrestler DNA inside of you already, right? I still can't fuckin' believe it," he said as he shook his head. "And now that I know that you're the Amber he's been talking about in old interviews, I can't get over the fact that you lost your virginity to him while he was your mom's boyfriend, _and_ on her bed."

"Yeah, my life was completely normal until my mom's boyfriend walked into my life and robbed me of all my common sense. Now I have a million wild stories to tell, all of them involving him in some form," she said with a laugh at the end. "You know, one time he convinced me to play some weird sex game with him and his mom came home early and neither of us knew it until he walked out with his dick just sticking out and she was sitting on the couch, eating popcorn as if her nineteen-year-old son wasn't just in his room giving his eighteen-year-old girlfriend a mind blowing orgasm."

Tom busted out laughing and shook head at the nonsense they got themselves into. "You miss him, don't you?" He could tell by the way she was staring longingly into the distance. He couldn't blame her; if he was in her shoes, he'd miss him too.

"I know he isn't good for me, but I can't help it. He was my first everything, and I know I'll always love him in some way no matter how hard I try to hate him," she sighed, her tears finally making their way to the surface. "Stupid fucking asshole."

"That's why you're going on this date," he said as he soothingly rubbed her shoulder. "Stefano's gonna make you forget that he even exists."

* * *

Even though Amber made it clear that he wasn't welcomed in her life until he was completely single, he still didn't plan to go back home until Tuesday. It wasn't a punishment for Christina; it was just for him to get his head on straight and figure out what – or who – he wanted more. Of course, that wasn't going to happen in the span of four days, but it was a start, and that was the best he could do.

But honestly, this mess wouldn't have started again if he just pretended he never saw her. His feelings wouldn't have come rushing back like a tsunami, and he never would've questioned being with Christina. He would've been on the way to plan his marriage, and living the life that he was supposed to have.

If only he could've had that life with Amber, just like he planned to from the moment he realized he loved her.

He sighed and lied back in bed, closing his eyes to relax. Unfortunately, Christina wouldn't allow that. He answered his buzzing phone and brought it up to his ear. "Hi, Chris"

"Hey, I'm just checking to see how you're doing," she said. "I haven't talked to you since yesterday morning. I thought you died or something."

"Well… I'm fine, clearly," he said as he sat up in bed. "You need anything else?"

He heard he sigh before talking again. "What I _need_ is to see my soon-to-be husband, because lately, he's been acting really distant and it's making feel like he doesn't want to marry me."

It lured him in before, but not this time. He was nearing his limits with her cheating, so he needed to see that she was being loyal. Of course, he knew he wasn't so innocent either, but it didn't mean that he liked his fiancée cheating on him constantly. "When you drop Sanders, I'll stop being distant."

"We'll talk about this more when you come home, which I hope is soon, because I know you don't have anything WWE related in Indiana."

He sighed and squeezed his eyes shut. "I'll see you Tuesday, Chris. Bye, I love you." He didn't bother to wait for her to say it back. He just wanted to take a nap for a bit and then get back to brainstorming. Thinking about the whole situation was giving him a huge headache.

* * *

"Well… I lost my job," Amber said as she hung up the house phone. "They told me that my injury has apparently hindered the work process, and since they don't know when I'll be back, they decided to just replace me and get it over with," she explained to Tom.

"Oh," Tom said as he pursed his lips. "Well, what are you gonna do about rent?"

She shrugged and ran her fingers through her hair as she limped to the couch. "It's only been a week; how could they fire me?"

Tom sighed and scooted closer to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. "It's gonna work out, I promise. And if you absolutely can't make rent, you can stay with me until you can get back on your feet."

"I don't wanna think about this right now; maybe after the date," she mumbled, playing with her shirt's hem. "I went to private schools, always had proper food, and I always had money in case of emergencies, and still had some more left over. Now I can't even keep a job as a waitress," she sighed before looking up.

"Amber, you worked for a high-end restaurant that's known for firing people for every little thing. The fact that you were able to keep that job for four years says a lot, so don't beat yourself up," he comforted her.

She looked up and nodded. He actually was right, but she never thought of it that way. It kinda made her feel better, but it still didn't give her a job. "Maybe I can get a job that I actually like this time," she said with a small smile before looking at Tom's phone as it rang. "Do you really need a smiley face next to his name?"

Tom rolled his eyes and answered the phone. "Hi Mr. Ambrose," he said, only for Amber to know who he was talking to.

"Call me Jon. Mr. Ambrose is weird as shit," he began. "Anyway, if anything goes wrong whenever she goes on her date, I need you to tell me immediately. God knows she won't tell me on her own, and I don't blame her, but… please."

"Sure, but I doubt anything's gonna happen," he replied.

"Yeah, whatever…" he mumbled. "Send me a picture of him. And don't tell Amber about any of this."

Jon hung up without letting Tom get another word in. He stared at the phone, confused as to what made him call him for that. "He just wants to know if you're doing alright and to call him if you need anything," he partially lied. "There's really nothing to worry about, I promise. Just focus on your date tomorrow, and not on Jon."

"God, I _wish_ I could do that. I already know that I'm just gonna compare every little thing he does to Jon, which is fucking pathetic. I don't know how to stop myself from thinking like that," she sighed, looking down. "Out of all the people I could've dated when I was younger, why did I have to date a future WWE superstar?"

"I think that Stefano is gonna knock him out of the park. Trust me; he's a really good guy," he assured her. "I don't want you to be miserable and lonely because you're too hung up on him. Give Stefano a chance before comparing him to Jon. After that, if he really doesn't match up, then compare him all you want."

She nodded and smiled at him. "You're right, Tom. I'm gonna try really hard to enjoy Stefano for him, I promise."


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** Exams are in less than two months, so I have to begin preparations for that. I'll try to get chapters out every week, but I can't really promise that.

Also, I just wanted to let you guys know that suggestions are really appreciated, and all your kind reviews really motivate me to continue, but I'm so terrible at responding to messages. I see them and I literally squeal whenever I see them, so thank you. You guys are amazing.

* * *

 **Chapter 13**

* * *

Amber groaned and rolled over on the couch where she fell asleep watching a documentary on space. She pulled her blanket tighter around her and shivered, though it didn't really help much. It was November, but she was still shocked at how cold it was.

In all honesty, she had no idea if it was morning or afternoon, and it didn't really matter to her. She had a splitting headache from crying so much, which didn't even surprise her. Aside from her main issues with Jon, she was also worried about embarrassing herself on her date. Her self-esteem was definitely not on the high-end.

After a few minutes of sitting there, she finally got up to check the time, and it was just a little bit after eleven, which wasn't too bad considering she fell asleep at around six in the morning.

She was seriously considering cancelling her date. Her mental state was far too fragile to be able to juggle trying to come off as a genuinely good person and not an emotional wreck on top of her conflicting emotions with her past lover.

Then again, she could never get over him until she tried, and that was the most important part. Living her life with constant heartache definitely wasn't healthy for her, and it showed physically.

She sighed and made her way to her bed, staring up at the ceiling and hoping that things would get better fast.

* * *

"I'm so confused. Where did this dress come from?" Amber came out holding a long, black dress that was still in its transparent plastic. It looked like something that went along with the rest of her wardrobe, but it also looked too expensive for her to even consider buying it.

Tom looked up from his book for a second, then back down. "I don't know, but it looks really pretty. You should definitely wear it," he answered.

"But I don't know where—"

"If you don't wanna wear it, then don't, but the last thing you should be doing is stressing. So relax, take a little break if you need to, but don't stress over the little things," he elaborated, not taking his eyes off his book for even a second.

Amber knew by the way he was pretending to be nonchalant that he had something to do with the dress, but she didn't bother to push it any further. That was mostly because he was right about keeping her stress level to a minimum. She nodded and went back to get ready.

She removed the dress from the plastic and held it in front of her as she stood in front of the mirror. She had to admit, it _did_ look really good. It was just a matter of whether or not it would look good on her.

She put it on and it fit perfectly, and she also found out it was off the shoulder, which complimented her even more. She smiled at herself in the mirror before continuing to get ready.

Her hair was pretty much done; she decided to just go over it with a flat iron and do a side part. It was just her makeup left, and she would be ready to go.

"Are you ready yet? I need to take a picture of you," Tom asked, standing on the other side of the door.

"No, but why on earth would you want to take a picture of me?" She asked as she applied her foundation. "I'm not a kid going on their first date, you know. My mom didn't even wanna take pictures of me when I went on my first date."

"Whatever, just hurry up," he said before walking away from the door.

He was a little too excited, but it was for a good reason. For as long as he knew her, she was always miserable and never seemed to enjoy much in her life. He thought maybe Jon was the answer, but after witnessing what happened between them, he soon realized that he clearly couldn't do the job, at least not at that moment, or without a little push.

He knew a relationship wouldn't magically cure her, but it could at least bring her some form of happiness until she learned how to make herself happy. Which, of course, would probably take a long time, but he didn't mind waiting and nudging her in the right direction.

"I'm ready for my close-up," she joked, smiling before she twirled to give him a full view of the outfit. "Not to be conceited, but I look pretty fucking hot right now," she laughed.

Her makeup wasn't dramatic, but it wasn't entirely subtle either. She had on a thin layer of eyeliner and a dark shade of red lipstick, which were the most noticeable things on her face.

He smiled at her and nodded, then took out his phone. "Stand right there and pose however you want," he said as he opened the camera app.

She didn't take a lot of pictures, so posing wasn't something she was used to. She just stood there and smiled at the camera, hearing it shutter three times before he put his phone away. "I still don't get why you wanted to take pictures."

"Memories. God knows if you'll dress up like this again," he joked, sitting on the couch. "Just remember to enjoy yourself, alright?"

She nodded and took a deep breath. "I'm ready," she said, more to herself than him.

"Good, because he's gonna be here in about five minutes. Go downstairs to wait for him, and I'll try my hardest to make sure you come back to your apartment in one piece," he assured her.

"God, I'm nervous," she mumbled as she smoothed down her dress. "I'm leaving now. Wish me luck."

He nodded towards her and smiled as she made her way through the door. He waited a few minutes after she left to pull out his phone again. "I really shouldn't be doing this," he sighed as he forwarded the pictures to Jon.

* * *

They were at a restaurant called 'Kings Palace,' which gave off a high-end vibe. With all the chandeliers, fountains, expensive looking decorations, and the name itself, it wasn't hard to figure out how Amber came to that conclusion.

They didn't say much to each other since they got there, and she figured that he was just as nervous as she was. She didn't get why, since he was even more gorgeous in person, but he probably had his reasons.

She skimmed through the menu, trying to figure out what seemed appealing, but also wasn't too expensive. There was a high chance that he was paying for it, but she needed to make sure she wasn't screwed if things go awry.

"I came here one other time before," Stefano said, giving her an awkward smile. She gave him an equally awkward smile, although she was sure that she didn't look as cute as he did. "Has anyone told you that you look like a more attractive version of Morticia Addams?"

She snickered, then shook her head. That was definitely a first for her, but it was sweet. "No one has, actually. Why do you say that?"

"Y'know… pale skin, long dark hair, along with the long dark dress. Oh, and the lipstick," he babbled, letting out and awkward laugh afterwards. "I-I don't wanna be too forward Amber, but you're really stunning. I n-never really expected…" he took a deep breath, ran his fingers through his gorgeous brown hair, then began again. "I'm sorry, I'm just really nervous."

"Yeah… so am I," she mumbled, looking down at her thighs. "I mean, you're really, um… stunning too. And, considering I haven't been on a date in nearly four years, I'm not so sure what I should be doing here."

"Four years? Do you just turn down dates all the time?"

At least they were finally having a conversation, but she wasn't sure if she was ready to delve into her complicated and depressing romantic history, which she was pretty sure where the conversation would eventually be leading to. "No, I just don't go out that much for people to ask me on dates. Even if I did, I don't really think I'd get asked out a lot," she explained as she shifted in her seat.

"Well, anyone who thinks you're unattractive must be blind. Anyone who could double as Morticia Addams with ease is a real catch in my book," he joked, which elicited a giggle out of Amber.

"If you ever hear that they're having another Addam's family reboot, just tell them to give me a call before letting anyone else audition," she laughed as she brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "What are you gonna order? I might order the same thing, honestly."

"The white rice with sweet and sour chicken. I'm sure Thomas told you, but I try to cook, and sweet and sour chicken is the only thing I've perfected. Everything else is kinda hit or miss for me," he said.

Amber noticed that he talked with his hands when loosened up, which is something Jon would do a lot. He couldn't explain anything without moving his hands in some way, whether subtle or unsubtle. It was really cute, especially when he was talking about something he was particularly enthusiastic about.

She pinched her arm when she realized she was thinking about _him_ again. At least it wasn't really a comparison, which is what she was afraid of the most. She plastered a smile on her face to get herself back into the conversation. "You call him Thomas?" she asked.

"Yeah. I'd call him Tom, but it feels weird to me. Thomas feels right," he answered with a shrug. "Oh, there's the waitress."

"Are you ready to order?"

They both nodded and closed their menus. "We'll both have the white rice with sweet and sour chicken, and I'll have a cherry lemonade with it," he said, smiling towards Amber afterwards.

"I'll have the regular lemonade," she said, smiling at her. She knew how tough it was to be a waitress at a high end restaurant, so she tried to be as pleasant as possible.

"Alright, I'll back with your order as soon as possible."

* * *

They were done eating, and Amber was stuffed.

She opened up to him a bit more than she thought she would. Of course, she didn't get too deep, but she talked about living in Ohio, and conveniently left out the part where Jon came into the equation.

Speaking of him, she thought about him a lot less than she thought she would. The way Stefano's voice went deeper when he was making a suggestive joke, the way he whipped his head to get hair out of his face instead of using his hands, and even the way he held her hand as they walked to the car; it all reminded her of him. But the minute the thoughts came into her mind, she pushed them back out and tried to appreciate Stefano for him.

He was driving her back to her apartment, and he was playing music, which was pretty diverse. One moment it was jazz, the next it was pop, the next it was heavy metal. It was like he had a completely different personality with each genre, and it was fun to look at.

"What's your favorite kinda music?" he asked, quickly glancing at her.

She shrugged. "I'm open to anything, but my go-to is classic rock," she answered as she bopped her head to the music, which was an interesting blend of EDM and rock. "I really like Bruce Springsteen and stuff like that, but I also really like… whatever this it," she said with a smile.

"Well, I guess I know what to play for you if there's another date," he said, with more of a questioning tone.

She honestly wouldn't mind going on another date with him, especially since they got over the awkward stage and she realized his personality matched up to his Greek god-esque looks. "Definitely," she said with a smile as they neared her apartment.

"Looks like it's time for this fun night to come to an end," he said as he turned down the music. He parked the car and smiled, placing his hand on hers. "You are just… wow. I really had a fun time with you tonight, and I hope that you feel the same."

She smiled and nodded at him. She had no idea what came over her, but she leaned over and placed a quick on his lips, giggling as she pulled away. "Good night, Stefano," she said as she made her way out of the car.

He had a big, goofy grin on his face as he waved to her. "Goodnight, Amber."


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

* * *

After talking to Tom about her date went and getting some sleep, Jon was finally sure of who he wanted to be with.

Neither of them.

With Christina, he still had a lot of love for her, but it was clear that her cheating wasn't going to end soon. Plus, their constant arguments were really taking a toll on him. He planned on at least taking a break from the relationship and coming back when both of them felt it was right to start working towards planning their wedding.

Amber was a tricky situation. In past, he never really cared who she was with; he figured as long as he could get her to be intimate with him in some way, then she'd be like putty in his hands. Looking back at it, he realized that was entirely wrong of him. But then he also realized that he was doing the same thing, except this time she wasn't with anyone. He was basically trying to force himself into her life. It seemed like the most obvious thing in the world, but he was only just catching on to it.

If they were truly meant to be together, then they'd find a way. Until then, he decided that he'd live his life as if she wasn't looming over his head constantly.

No more relationship drama, no more complicated messes; it was just him and WWE, and maybe things would sort itself out along the way.

He just wished he never bought that damn dress so she wouldn't be so enticing to him.

* * *

"You know you're not supposed to kiss on the first date… Right?"

Amber looked up from her book and raised an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"You kissed Stefano on the first date. You're supposed to wait until the third date to kiss him," he said, genuinely shocked that he had to explain this to her. "How many people have you been on dates with?"

She never really counted, but she knew it wasn't a lot, considering her trust in men was never really that high, despite what dumb decisions she made. "Four, excluding Stefano," she said before turning her attention back to her book.

"That's actually higher than I thought it would be..." he mumbled before clearing his throat. "Did you kiss any of them on the first date?"

"Well, since all my information is just a click away for you, I'll just say it anyway." She took a deep breath as she placed her book on the coffee table. "I kissed all but one on the first date," she said, looking up to remember the exact details. "The first one, I full on made out with him before he nearly sexually assaulted me. The second one, I kissed him long before our first actual date. With Jon, I lost my virginity to him the day before our first date. And the last one was repulsive, so I never kissed him."

Tom sat there, slowly nodding long after she finished talking. "Your history with men suck," he stated before gluing his eyes back to his phone.

"Tell me about it," she sighed. "I mean, considering Jon settled down after a while, I wouldn't say it was _that_ bad."

"But then cheated on you with a fetish wrestler and hid a drug addiction from you. It was pretty bad, Amber," he said as he shook her head. "He's not a terrible person, but I do think he needs to clean up his act."

She raised an eyebrow and looked at him. "She was a fetish wrestler?"

"You're focusing on the wrong thing, but yes," he nodded, bringing his drink up to his mouth.

"I'm sorry; it's just that talking about my horrible track record with men makes me feel like a dumb failure," she sighed as she raked her fingers through her hair.

"Don't beat yourself up; I was in a relationship with a girl for four years and she cheated on me all the time. I knew she was, but I was in love, so I ignored it," he said with a smile. "I don't even know where she is now; I just know that when I broke up with her, she didn't even seem to mind."

"Sounds nice," Amber joked. "You know, as annoying as you are, you're don't seem like you'd make a completely horrible partner," she said with a smile.

"Is that a—"

"No, it isn't an invitation," she laughed as she shook her head. "I'm trying to say that maybe you should stop focusing on me finding someone to be with, and instead find someone yourself. It shouldn't be that hard for you."

"Trust me, I would, but…" he sighed then shook his head. "I don't have much confidence. I try to fake it, but it comes off as creepy rather than sexy."

Hearing that from him honestly shocked her, considering when she met him he seemed to be overflowing the confidence. She couldn't believe that he was faking it. As much as it annoyed her that he was always touching her, he admired that he at least didn't look down on himself, because she desperately wished that she could live life without putting herself down. "Maybe your approach was just wrong."

"What do you mean by that?"

"There's nothing wrong with faking confidence, but maybe you were being _too_ confident. Not in the egotistical sense, just that you were trying too hard to sell it, and that's what made you come off as creepy," she said with a shrug. "I might be wrong, though," she admitted.

He shook his head, a smile slowly forming on his face. "No, that actually sounds like it could be right. Shit, I probably would've even gotten you if I realized this sooner," he joked, earning a smack in the arm from her. "Do you always have to be so violent?" he laughed as he rubbed his arm.

"You're so annoying," she said, rolling her eyes. "You're so lucky that I don't want to get rid of you."

"Of course you don't wanna get rid of me; I'm amazing," he joked.

"Yeah, whatever Tom."

* * *

"I want a break," Jon said, Christina sitting on the couch next to him. "I know you're cheating on me still, and don't bother denying it. And to be honest, I haven't exactly been faithful either," he admitted. He waited for her to say something about it, but she just sat there, her arms folded across her chest as she stared straight ahead. "I don't want a break so I can fuck other people, if that's what you're thinking."

"Then why _do_ you want it?" she snapped, looking him straight in the eyes. "You're doing it now; why not continue?"

Jon sighed and shook his head. "I expected that, so I don't even care. Point is, the break is so that we'd sort our individual shit out first, then we can fix our shit together, then we can be on our way to plan the wedding. Unless you want to leave, which I wouldn't blame you for since you just found out I cheated on you."

"I don't wanna leave," she sighed. "And you're right; I _have_ been cheating on you. But, I still love you, and I don't think I can ever stop loving you. I know I've been against taking a break for so long, but at this point, that's the only thing that can save the relationship. I mean, you _actually_ cheated. I never thought you would do that in a million years. I may have accused you of doing it before, but I never really meant it."

In his head, all he could do was laugh at that statement. He's cheated so much in the past that the concept of not being seen as a cheater caught him so off guard, and the thought was both hilarious and sad. "So it's settled, right?"

"Yeah. Question is, where am I gonna go?" she asked. "I can't exactly move in with my parents, because they live all the way in Ohio."

"You can stay here. I'll... I'll find somewhere else to go for the time being," he said. "I'll be out by either Wednesday or Thursday. Until then, I'll sleep in the guest room."

She nodded slowly nodded then sighed. "I love you, Jon. I really, _really_ do. And I know I haven't exactly been a good partner, but I promise I'll do my best to work on my issues while we're on this break."

He nodded in response, not knowing what to say. He appreciated it, but he honestly had to see it to believe it. It wouldn't be the first time she said she'd try to be better and still did the same things. Then again, he accepted it as his karma, so it didn't bother him as much as it used to. "I'll also try my best," he said.

"So… what do we do now?" she asked after taking a deep breath.

"Pretend I'm not here, and I'll do the same."

* * *

It felt nice to relax at home without worrying about having to work. However, not working also came with the fact that she had rent to pay looming over her head. She never really thought about it when she had company, but when she was alone, the thought never left.

Along with other thoughts, but she was slowly learning how to push those thought of _him_ to the back of her mind as quickly as they came. Although, she would rather not think about him at all.

Maybe the threat of her getting evicted was just her negative thoughts catching up to her. Maybe _everything_ that happened was a result of her constant negative thoughts. Regardless of what the reason was, she wanted to start being more positive. It was so draining to be negative all the time, and she wanted it to be gone for good.

"Amber!"

She raised an eyebrow then checked the time. Why was Tom knocking on her door at almost midnight? She opened the door for him, still confused as he walked into her apartment. "Do you know what time it is?"

"Yes. Why?" he asked as he plopped down on the couch, placing a plastic bag on the ground next to his feet.

"It's late, Tom. You should be sleeping or something; not in my apartment," she said, sitting down next to him. "Now why are you here? I assume it has something to do with whatever's in that bag."

"I have movies and some snacks. I thought it might make you happy, and I was bored. So, I decided I'd make a quick stop at Walmart and surprise you," he said as he pulled out the contents of the bag one by one. "So, we're watching Clueless, right? I bought more, but I figured you'd wanna watch that the most."

She nodded and smiled at him. "I know I don't say this enough, but you're a really good friend."

"Actually…" He paused as he dug around the bag for something, then finally placed a chocolate bar on her lap. "You've been saying at lot lately. I mean, I don't mind, 'cause it makes me feel like I'm doing something good for once."

Amber shook her head and leaned back as he popped the movie in the DVD player. She knew they were both gonna fall asleep before the movie ended, but she also knew that while they were awake, they were going to have a blast, and she looked forward to it.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N:** Exams are in a month, so my studying is at an all-time high. Ironically, so is my itch to write. So here's a chapter that was fueled by coffee and angry punk music, and also procrastination.

* * *

 **Chapter 15**

* * *

His head was heavy, but she didn't want to move. He looked incredibly exhausted, and she'd feel guilty if she decided to wake him up. She sat there, looking at the DVD symbol bounce across the small TV screen as his mouth hung open slightly, small snores escaping his lips.

His phone startled her, causing her to jump, but apparently not enough to wake him up. She looked at the phone, and saw a familiar name which made her heart race. "What the fuck?" she mumbled as she slowly reached over to get his phone so she could read the full message.

 _I used to be able to make her happy, but I messed up so much that I can't anymore. I accepted that I may not be the one who could make her happy for the rest of her life, and that's fine. I just don't want anyone else to hurt her, so you need to be the one to look out for her. If she doesn't pick up on something that seems off, tell her about it._

 _I'll always love her, but we can't be together. I'm engaged, and she's with someone else. If she's ready, I'll always be open to it. If things go sour between her and that Stephanie dude, make sure you tell her that. I want her to remember that someone always loves her if she ever feels like no one does._

She scrolled up some more and saw the pictures that he took of her right before she went on her date, then her heart stopped.

 _She looks so good. Stunning, actually. Come to think of it, maybe I shouldn't have bought her such a pretty dress. I'm so stupid._

 _Whatever, I hope she has a good time. Tell me what happens._

"Tom, wake up," she said sternly as she shook him. "I'll fucking murder you either way, so you might as well wake up to explain yourself."

He rose his head slowly, his eyes squinted and his hair messy as he stretched. "What time is it," he yawned.

"So you've been talking to Jon behind my back, got the dress and somehow snuck it in my closet, _and_ sent the pictures to him? What else have you been doing that I should know about?" she said, holding his phone up so he could know exactly what she was talking about.

His eyes widened when he caught on to what she was saying, and he really didn't know what to say. He honestly could not get his voice to from actual words. "I, uh… Amber, I…" he sighed and looked down at his lap. "He just wanted me to keep him up to date regarding you. Something about wanting to see where you go and stepping in to help when he could. And trust me, it's not me helping him get to you back; I'm just not against him helping you, and both of us were scared that you wouldn't accept any help if you knew it was from him," he explained, his heart racing afterwards.

"What makes you think that I even need his fucking help, Tom?" she swore before placing his phone down on the coffee table. "I don't need him and I don't want _anything_ to do with him. I just want to move on with my fucking life and never have to see or hear about him ever again."

He sighed, shaking his head. "You fell in love with that dress. I can guarantee you that you'd tear it to shreds if you knew where it came from. Wouldn't you, Amber?" She nodded slowly. "Then God knows how you would react if I told you that Dean was the one that suggested that I should hang out with you last night to make you happy."

She sat there for a moment, trying to process what she just heard. " _He_ told you to do all of this? Why would he do that?"

"Because I told him that you needed something to cheer you up, and he suggested it. Despite what he's done, he really does care about your happiness, even if you don't see it that way," he answered before grabbing his phone to read the messages. "See, he cares about your happiness. There really is no catch to it as far as I can see; he just cares about you as much as I do."

She sighed and shook her head, facing away from. "I don't know if I can trust him again. I appreciate that you're trying, but I don't know how to trust him again. For all I know, this could just be another scheme to worm his way into my life again, and I won't let him ruin my happiness."

"And I understand that, which is why he was doing it through me. I know you won't be quick to forgive or trust him again, but at least let me work alongside him to help you be happy. You know I don't have any bad intentions, right?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yeah, I know," she sighed. "You promise you'll stop if you see something wrong?"

"Definitely."

* * *

It was weird being around Christina but not speaking to her. Of course, he was used to giving and receiving the silent treatment, but it was still weird given the different circumstances.

Fortunately, he had to leave later in the day for Raw, so he didn't have to deal with it for too long. So, for the time being, he just tried to stay in the guest room as much as he could.

Packing was done, he was already dressed and ready for when he had to leave; everything was set. He was just lying down, watching some random reality show.

Maybe his issue was that he couldn't be alone. He was never single for more than a few months, besides when he and Amber broke up. Even then, he was sleeping with a bunch of other people in between the breakup and meeting Christina, who he expected to just be another girl under his belt. Maybe he never truly healed.

He always wondered why he messed up things between him and Amber. Things were going so well between them at the time. They'd already moved in together, their arguments were at a minimum and usually about dumb things, and she was super supportive of his career. Before, he blamed it on peer pressure, but that never really made sense when he thought more about it. He was always going to his own tune, whether or not people agreed with it.

But his new theory was that maybe he was just self-destructive. Whenever things were going too smoothly between them, he was usually the one to mess things up. He never even hid his drug use and cheating on her properly when he looked at it now. It was like he _wanted_ her to find out, even though the last thing he wanted was for her to leave him.

"Fucking dumbass…" he mumbled before turning off the TV.

Amber may never be with him again, and while it was a hard pill to swallow, he knew he was the cause of it. He figured that seeing her again probably wasn't because they were meant to be together, but because he had some kind of lesson to learn. He just wished that it didn't mean that all his old wounds would be reopened.

* * *

After Raw, he and the other Shield members were driving to South Carolina. It was nearly two in the morning, which they had about an hour left before they got to the hotel. He wasn't tired at all, surprisingly. He figured he'd be exhausted, but he was wide awake.

He was silently stared out of window while Seth and Roman were having a quiet conversation in the front. He had no idea what they were talking about, and he really didn't care. It just served as background noise since there wasn't any music playing.

"Dean, Christina talked to me earlier," Roman said, causing Jon to groan. He was so relaxed, only for him to bring up a topic he knew that would cause some sort of issue. "She admitted that she cheated on you, and I know it's rough."

He sighed and nodded. "I guess it is," he replied. He figured that Christina would tell him at some point, but he didn't want to talk about it at all. It wasn't that it was a sensitive topic or anything; it's just that he knew that somewhere along the line, it'd turn it into a lecture about how he needs to be a better man.

"I'm here for you, but you deserved it," he said before quickly glancing at him. "I'd retaliate too if I found out the person I was about to marry cheated on me with a ring rat."

"She isn't a ring rat," Jon said through gritted teeth. He knew that Roman was mad at him for cheating, but he hated how he degraded Amber when the whole thing wasn't even her fault to begin with. He didn't even acknowledge the part where he said her cheating was out of retaliation; his main concern was making sure that he'd stop disrespecting Amber for no reason. "Her name is Amber."

Seth nodded, but remained silent. Jon could tell that he wanted to say something, and he wished he would so that he'd have someone on his side, but he knew that wasn't going to happen.

"I don't care who she is or what her name is. I can bet you that she doesn't even care about you; just what money or fame you can give her," he argued. "Face it, Jon; you made a huge fucking mistake cheating on Christina, so you can't get mad at her for cheating."

"I never said I was mad at her for cheating, but I still have a right to be mad regardless of what happened. Plus, what happens in our relationship really isn't your business, so I don't know why you're weighing in on it when I didn't even ask." At this point, Jon was heated but managed to keep a calm exterior. He was just upset that Roman took every chance he got to put him down. He was his friend and all, but he was tired of brushing it off.

Besides; he already knew all his faults. Roman never said anything about him that he didn't already know. He just didn't want it rubbed in his face every time they came face to face.

"Whatever, dude. All I'm saying is, you deserve what you got for messing around with fucking rat."

"For that last goddamn time, she isn't—"

"Can you guys just relax? C'mon, we have to be in the ring tomorrow, and we have to be a team. You guys need to either patch things up or pretend it never happened," Seth chimed in, although Jon hoped that he would've said something different.

"He's right," Roman sighed, shaking his head. "I'm sorry for getting in your business."

Jon didn't even know what he was supposed to apologize for, because he honestly wasn't sorry about anything. "Well… I'm also sorry," he apologized. He didn't bother to say what it was for, because he figured he's apply it to whatever he was offended for anyway.

Regardless of what issues were going on with them, he wasn't going to let it affect his work. Not a single chance in hell.


End file.
